I have heard those
“I told you so’s” abundantly
To a point, where
they have lost all the firmness
they once possessed
and their subtlety

They used to find power
by inflicting those 3 words on me
They basked under their strength
of knowing, telling me and then
confirming the fact that they did

At first, I inhaled it
like poison, feeling ashamed
at my embedded ignorance,
or can we say stubbornness?

I felt it creep through my nostrils
like smog, thick, dark and filthy
dirtying my insides with judgement

“I told you so”
Once stamped on your wrist
that dank cheap ink, poisoned
your being,  placed you under a label
of meek ink
you are being judged
before taking another step
into your so called
“new life”
You’re the bouncer
You allowed yourself
into the next party

I still hear it echoing in the distance
I heard it redundantly
entering my ears, slithering their way through
the canals, reaching my brain

Until one day, being the human I was
impulsive, reckless,
wearing different lenses
seeing the world in different ways
than you do
a social expat
I still did see the danger and dove
head first in it
I guess it’s the curiosity
mixed with stupidity
and let’s not forget the

I dove in, with a smile
bearing in mind that I could still
See the cheap stamp
on my wrist
stamped over and over
by different voices
It was a party and
I wanted in

Now, I still gather the shattered
bits and pieces of me
with a drunken smile
and with an over-used heart
I carry them in my purse
as I wobbled my way to exit
of this party, I could hear
the “I told you so’s”
from the lines of blurred faces
on the sides of the door

But this time
I had this smile on
knowing I’d heard it,
that phrase had music now
My, my what adaptation does
it has morphed this judgmental sentence
into music, that pumped me with adrenaline
to enter the next party
with more energy
more serotonin
more stupidity

But hey,
if it weren’t for that
I’d never have a brain full of
inventories and galaxies
filled with
told you so’s

Mindful of Stories


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