Monster in her

I woke up today
with a very strange urge
to strangle the sunlight
and place it in my closet

I woke up today
from a slumber that was
as rocky as the rugged edges
that await their victims at the bottom
of a beautiful waterfall

I woke up today,
with my skin
aching to feel my bedsheets again
I am awake, my heart barely beating
not ready to take on this Monday

I am awake, with instant depression
as it oozes from my expressions
that weighty sensation
that creeps lethargy all through my body
CORRECTION…my corpse

It was a very strange feeling
my mental sensations were obvious
through the reflection
that the dusty mirror portrayed

I saw a woman, whose curls once emitted magic
lose herself, to a dull creature
aching to stay in bed, curl in fetal position
securing herself from what a Monday morning
might bring

I was on the thin line between
tears and hysterical laughter
I was balancing my way through the morning
carrying the stick of logic
and calculating every step forward
just to make it till the end
in one piece

I was trapeze-ing between
murder mode and rationale
I was jumping from one edge to the other
accompanied by music
hoping to hypnotize the monster in me
who is clawing me from the insides
who is trying to surface through
who is toying with my temporal lobe
like a parasite feeding on my weak points
who broke the bars of therapy
and wants to control my entirety

I looked at myself in the mirror
it was different what I saw
could it be, that this monster in me
has had enough from solitary confinement
and is ready to escape the metal bars
I placed him in, what’s happening
I gulped that knot in my throat
I suppressed the vomit afterwards

I rubbed my eyes,
I opened them again
to simply gasp
at the mere misery of
distorted perception
this monster in me
has embedded

monsters

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