Her & “Herselves”

She lay there
on that chaise longue
with tongue so twisted
her thoughts couldn’t be fixated
floods of subjects, problems
and moments alike
she just couldn’t verbalize
that internal mental fight

“How do you feel about that?” a voice repeated
As she looked at him with a blank stare
wondering if he were ever listening

She found words leaving her mouth
words that don’t make sense as a whole
but in her twisted mental state
they made the whole greater
than the elements of its parts

She found herself
staring at the dark cherry brown ceiling
it’s so dank, it prompts you to escape
that stupid paid hour
with that doctor sitting there
doodling on his notepad
or thinking of his next lunch

“How do you feel about that?”
“One more time you fucking say that
I will carve this on your face
then ask you, how do you feel?” oh silly thoughts

She kept going and going
about why she’s there
yet she couldn’t tackle what really made her down

While she took a deep breath
she noticed that her exhaled sigh
let out a shadow
one that she’s familiar with

It stood there over shadowing her
it let its hand out inviting her
to grab on

She needed anything out of that wretched room
with no prior thought, she looked at that doctor
he wasn’t even paying attention
she grabbed onto that shadow
the one that escaped her

She could still hear that doctor
“how does that make you feel?”
scratching her brain
“why wouldn’t he shut up?”

As she was elevated from her body
she had this out of body experience
her high was high enough to be delusional

“Was this happening?”

She put her on the peak of a mountain
as the wind blew and blew
shadows started leaving her being
shadows of her, one bright
one dark, one fearless, one shy
one sociable and one that embraces aloneness

The wind became so strong
that it blew her off the peak
past the shadows that stood next to her
she started falling, screaming
aching for any aid of any time

she closed her eyes
realizing that she’s become weightless
all those shadows left in her
was her core, a story true to her

Suddenly her back arched
feeling a pull from her waist
she opened her eyes to see
the shadows have chained together
to grab her, from the thorny pit
of emptiness

“How does that make you feel?”
kept echoing in space

Her shadows
circled her
humming a tune that she knew
but not really
the music that they orchestrated
echoed from the top of the mountain
to the space around

She couldn’t handle it anymore
she let out a scream
those screams that start from the tip of your toes
that vibrate your veins
that blush your face with rage
those screams that pierce the strongest of mountains
that reach the furthest earth points

While she was screaming
her shadows melted into smoke
that entered her being
expanding her chest for more screams

As she was screaming her last breath
the mountain opened up in half
swallowed her whole
landing her on that leathery chaise longue
“how does that make you feel?”
“I asked you this multiple times
I asked every single YOU in you
I asked the shy one, the bitchy one
the ambitious one, the unstable one”

“I asked you to a point where
I pierced your inner being
just to see what the diamond core
within is truly made of”

“How does that make you feel?”

An echo of multiple voices
filled the room

“ALIVE”

Jorge Roa personalities

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