20 1t 6egins

So it begins… in 2016 …

I don’t know what it is
but it hits you like a train
on that specific morning after

With feeble body
detoxing after a reckless night
of mindless thinking or
not thinking for that matter

I am not sure, if it’s realization
or just your mind slowly maturing
and repairing itself in the form of a hangover

One you’ve forgotten how to treat
how to survive through it, since your body
got acquainted to it,
thank you hasty lifestyle

I stand there
ruffled shirt, pants barely hanging
on my hipbones, messy hair
smelling like cigarettes
reeking of youth
that sweet scent
that Yves Saint Laurent longs
to replicate

I see my reflection
an image of myself, one that has accompanied me
through the last 10 years of independent living

A smirk appears, a sinful smile
remembering how wicked yesternight was
a giggle, remembering a random kiss
and it happens…

The sun shines brighter
the reflected image gets sharper
my skin shows lines of stories
with every time I smile, wrinkles
settle on the corners of my lips
my body changes, thanks time
you unmerciful bastard
my features change,
I am changing bordering
the line of what they call stability

I am scared,
or am I just being sucked into the
depressive circle of people my age?

I am reckless
I tried to pin down my heart
my wild spirit, but there’s
only so much you can fake
there’s only so much you can
constrict, confine

I am sorry, if I disappoint
I do apologize, actually I don’t!

I am not one of those
who wear the social norms
and maintain
a smile,
while I grind my
teeth in anger

I am
one of those
who still drink,
still smoke
still dance till dawn
still taste sin
still road trip at 4am
and still

and darling you know what the best part is?
It’s sexy that you
are still
That part of you
that makes you
with life

smoking green girl

Smoking girl by Alessandro Andreuccetti




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