Sold My Soul

It started off 2 years ago
when I first laid sight on you
pale and tempting

I had no intentions
we just happened to be
in the right place at the right time

August was too hot for anything else
but tanning and sipping on berry juice (توت )
maybe spiked for a hazy lazy afternoon

So I gathered my guts, grabbed
my none existent balls of courage
and took the first step, you
were very responsive, there was no
awkwardness, maybe that was the vodka

Maybe you too had no intentions
but, it was my first afternoon with you
quite memorable

The next day, I sat in the same spot
you stared back, said nothing
I was sober, but I felt it in my throat
that lump that had to come out
regardless if it made sense or not

Again, it did, it came out in lines
of poetry, line after line
like a cocaine addict aiming for a
higher high

I felt the pull,
that worry some pull
that happened at the same time,
everyday

I felt myself
yearning to set eyes
at its paleness, craving
to dance with it, wanting to generate lines
of stories, poetry, fantasies

I felt my inhibitions escape me
through my nostrils, I felt possessed
I have lost control and I loved it
I hate it, I didn’t know how to
feel about it

My adrenaline rushed,
I couldn’t handle it
I was in overdrive

tick tick tick 
space space space

music to my ears
a junkie’s high

My soul escaped me
and danced with the smoke
I exhaled, after every satisfying
sigh at the end of a very
steamy session

I surrendered, I weakened
I fell, slowly,
and I fell hard

I willingly made love
I reached climaxes
my body didn’t know was possible
I clawed my nails down
its back, leaving impressions of me
here and there

My addiction

One day, after filling an
ashtray with cigarette buds
I screamed with a voice
that reached the heavens

I lost all sense of power
of these emotions
I only felt full
when I sat
across that pale screen
and scrolls of poetry
would fill its pages
line by line

I had no idea
I sold my
soul
to
the
muses
of
writing
and felt
so alive
at the same
time
Fuck
this feels
unreal

Javier Martin bite finger

Art by Javier Martin

 

 

 

 

 

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