Liberate(d)

I have stacked bottles
of loneliness around my room
hoping they can keep me company
with their temporary effect
of distraction from reality

I have kissed too many cigarettes
hoping one of them
will taste like you

I have nibbled on my nails
multiple times
to entertain thoughts of you
in my head as I chip them
in angst

I have twisted my curls
around my fingers
as thoughts of you coil
around my finger
as if conversing
with me, myself and I

I have searched for myself
in the mirror, over and over
for my image of myself
is the one you have
tattooed me with

I have stretched
the mess, my mess
on my bed
filling it with company and warmth
for, it has grew in size
and it has become too big

I have swallowed thoughts of you
every time the butterflies in my
stomach push you to my mouth
then up to my mind

I have shut down the lights
on the billboard of my heart
for my emotions have learned
to burst instead of glow
but now, the roads are abandoned
and my billboard collects dust
from passerby’s and speeding cars

I have bitten too many pencils
to create sculptures of stress
decorating my favorite ornament
with ideas of you

I have….
not
anymore

Egon Schiele

Egon Schiele