Sober Sayings

Those are things that sober selves fear to say & drunken selves probably forget they said.
The below does not pertain to one person but they speak to you and you and you. 

“I am bored”
16 days dry
reality does
slap me stronger
than me, 10 drinks later

“I need a drink”
as my shaky hands
realized the addiction
and the loneliness
that chilled them
night
after
night
after
n

i

g

h

t

“I am unhappy”
as I wake up at 5 am
when I sit in bed
trying to fall asleep

“It doesn’t fulfill me”
as I open the cork
of the next bottle of wine
and turn off the
lights in my memory

“I think I like you”
as the thinking
dilutes itself between
you and I
and my liking melting
like the ice in my drink
as it makes love to the night
of thoughtless thinking

“I am not fine”
as my stroll
z i

g

z  a

g

s its way

home,

alone
to meet my

b
o
t  t
l  e

chilled and lonely
waiting for my company

“I am scared”
of what I want to say
so I say it drunk
hoping it would
wire itself in the stars
and maybe you’d read them…
as I down my
10th
letting her speak
instead of me
ignorant of what she says
versus how I wanted it
to be
or how you see me
when I say it
and you tell me
“you’re drunk”

“Let’s do everything”
as I recklessly drown my body
with potation
silencing its screams
for help…

“I love you”
lost its way
along with its meaning
into my memory labyrinth
as my neurotransmitters
got overcharged
electrocuting themselves
shutting
down
as
I lost
touch
with
everything
real
including
me

nevermore (Thank you Mr. Edgar Allen Poe for this word) 

I am sorry….. 

tumblr_mqd4omn65V1s6tq0go1_1280.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Here Have It

Here have my heart
careful though it’s heavy
with stories that turned it to stone

Here have my heart
careful, your hands might burn from
all that flaming passion it carries.. still
and gives … blindly

There , take it, maybe you’ll feel
what it’s like to break on the inside
and mend over and over and over
with a blow-torch hoping
this time it won’t break

Cup it, but be careful
they said “too much love will kill you”
and technically by now
I should have been dead
and the cause of death
strong heart beats too much for
a heart to handle

The “Please Handle With Care” sticker
is barely hanging on the false
premise of handling and the false
promise that care will always be there

The “Fragile” sign
has lied to me and to it
remove it like a band aid
it’s no longer injured
nor drunk

Here have my heart
wait…
where’s your armour mi amore?

Cole Sprouse man

 

 

Line of Sight

My voice scratched its way
to leave my mouth every time
with
WHAT I WANTED TO SAY

Why does it always go
around the vicious circle
of thorns?
smooth then it hurts
why does it hurt
when ALL you did
was pave the way to
what you thought was true..
or right… ?

What is right?
can you always keep doing good?
when all good brings you
is bad

Patience they tell you
how long is that thread
of stillness, acceptance
going to stretch
before it breaks into two
along with your personality
letting the other surface
like an iceberg, chipping
chiseling all the perfect exterior
to show the aftermath of anger
that sinking ships
and violent of stillness

Why do you fall for
the bad, the worse and the worst?
why do you fall
for the other, setting them
on a pedestal so high
that you just fall deeper
setting yourself lower
in the shade
along with your values?
Why don’t you ever become
infatuated with yourself?
“NO!” buries itself
under layers of
insecurities
rotting with maggots
that eat you up
from the inside
every time you
do something
you don’t want to
but do it anyways

Zombie like smiles
tattoo themselves
on your face
“I am very happy”
Do you only see what you see?
or only what you want to see?
“but it’s nice”
the sadistic nature
that’s ruining your days with “maybe’s”
is what is wrong with you
wasted daze …wasted days
drunk with the illusion
of what the heart fools you
foolish one

Your shine dimmed
you forgot to change the
burnt light bulb
in your room
it’s become normal
to see in the dark
to enjoy it
to dim that sparkle
that once
found home
in your eyes

wear your shades
it’s ok the sun still
shines ….
so sometimes
you don’t have
to

window eyes

 

 

 

 

 

Grammar & I

I stumbled on a comma
and took a breather
in between
reminding me
of when I removed
my lips from yours

I paused at a point
and stood in “awe”
against the capital newness
of starting over
reminding me of
the end

I capitalized
the beginning
of each statement
and watched it fade
as it went on running away
from one fact to the next
reminding me
of empty conversations
that fled everything
and filled nothing

I looked up
at quoted quotations
and wondered
at whether the in-between
was worth the importance
worth the limits
worth you

Semi-colons
half opened doors
seduced me to live
“something added”
just for a moment
before
I exited the phrase
or if you want to call it
the “phase”

and
moved
on

let go

 

 

Not for the Faint Hearted

Been there, done that?
So you think you’ve got it figured out?  

Go on, turn my pages
undress me with your wit
that’s not embodied in shallow facts
but in details of the mind that
move my core to latch onto your brain
like a leech sucking on your every neuron
making me moan at the sexiness
of its boldness and intelligence
Blow me away…

You’ve been around …
You’ve got it figured out.. don’t you?

Show me that silence between 2 is fine
don’t fill it with empty breaths that only
dilute the golden air
that rests as a hammock between my mouth and yours
for the golden rays
on a Sunday morning to carry
all our exhaustion in cold crisp breaths
that joust with the coffee steam between our palms
Be quiet …
You know what you’re doing
Still think so?  

Turn me on, challenge me
let my fire burn
then turn it off again
repeat, speak, burn, water down
repeat, argue, ignite me, turn me off,
r—e—p—e—a—t
water down my feisty spirit
with answers that form tiny sweat bubbles
on my neck and trickle down my chest
seducing me to think more, want more
but not all
Seduce me …

Not all are created equal,
still think you’ve got it?

I may not be right, but I may not be wrong
balance my instability
society has broken me in places
I did not know could ..
tell me the harsh truth
break the bricks off of my heart
crack my ribs
for the birds in my ribcage
learned to settle once…. ONCE..
and then tasted the sweet juices of liberty
and they have been addicted ever since
Break me

 

Writers are crazy, but I understand you…
I have it in the bag.. you say 

Tell me what you know about them
for I still am learning
let your tongue kiss me with
poetry, philosophy, any form of art

pull my hair back
watch as my eyes dilate
when I read, listen, hear, and see it happen
you say
crazy because I write
I ask
Crazy because YOU don’t understand?

Cup my face with sweaty hands,
feel as my heart beat accelerates at
the sound of dark poetry, sultry prose
single words, said by your voice
my body submits, guards down
skin on skin, mind to mind, eye to eye
and you still tell me:
writers are crazy… but I get you..
and I still
look at you and ask,
so you think
you still got it

figured out
huh?

Thierry Mugler – c. 1995 – Photo by Helmut Newton

 

 

To Those Who Fall & Fall Hard

* “you” varies
I am not sure what it is..

But I have the ability
to fall in love
in a minute
that fleeting 60 seconds
of when my eyes rested
on you
and knew nothing
more
and nothing less
but your pure existence

I have the ability to
fall in love
with a moment when we laughed
and by accident rested
my hand on your shoulder
sensing a bit of your warmth
and nothing more
nor less

I can fall in love
with a glance
that pauses time
between us and freezes it
forever in my memory
long term and short
foreseeing and fabricating
the fairytale of us
the “happily ever after”
all in my mind
as we cross paths
before I say hello
nothing more
nor less

I can fall in love
with the cold weather
that colored my breath white
as I exhaled a sigh
that defined your beauty
for me back then,
now and maybe tomorrow?
nothing more nor
less

I can fall in love
in a year
365 days
of unreciprocated emotions
just the feeling
of butterflies
vs. your dust bunnies

I can fall for a night
and make you fall for that
single serving feeling, fleeting
with the stars as the sun
eliminates the magic
and brings the logic
sensing your naked nature
nothing more
nor less

I can fall for days
only when the sun is out
and my eyes dissect details
tangled and untangled
making sense and not really at all
loving in the sun has always
been scary
everything shows
sensing your securities and insecurities
nothing more
nor less

I can fall for all of
your personalities
in a different way each time
showing you a reflection
of my very own personalities
and oh the instability
that sexiness of it all

I can fall for
a month or plenty
as long as the sun rises
feeling and feeding off of your
heartbeats that make my mind
race against time
nothing more
nor less

I have the ability
to fall in love
with every moment
every second
every thing
and right now

I

think

I
love
You

kiss me in so many ways

 

Rapid Eye Movement (REM)

She took her normal road
earphones intact
heart, monotone
day, a rewind of yesterday

The sun was up
the people plenty
the life of a Monday did seem the same

The scene replayed
same screams, same sounds, same scents
same song, …even though she did not intend to

She walked past the ledge
that used to be empty
but there was a man
with a beard and guitar
so far so good

Her eyes scanned the new addition
to the Monday edition
cookie cutters of
her generation
30 years and counting..

Jeans and a shirt
face imperfect
till the deathly pause
at the socks and sandals
a recipe for disaster

She shook her head
to shake the image out of it
She hated the parts,
but her eyes loved the whole
reminded her of Gestalt
she looked till her head
could tilt no more
he never looked away from his guitar

She sucked at being subtle..
everyone knew that about her
her heart was too big
to fit on her sleeve
it clothed her everywhere
she felt everything and everyone
ten times more than you did

Cut

Rain was added to day 2
playlist changed to suit the change
greyscale filter
Tuesday never looked drearier

Same people
same sounds, soaked under the pitter patter of the rain
falling in puddles
and nestling at the end of her curls
heavier… curls
lashes, served as shelter for her eyes
the rain nestled there…

Her vision blurred
the ledge, he’s there
jeans and a shirt
and those damn socks with sandals

His guitar strums overpowered the music in her ears

She kept looking until
her head could tilt no more
he never looked away from his guitar
it didn’t matter

Cut
The sun colored her Wednesday, day 3
colors popped out
the world was in focus
her curls turned golden
she was sun-kissed

Same scene, livelier, louder
some birds were directed by the heavens above
to add some utopic feel to the midweek

The ledge, the man
those stupid sandals and socks
ugly and she hated them
but her eyes loved him

He strummed, she knew the song
“I’ve just seen a face”
She kept looking till
her head could tilt no more
and he looked
back

*Alarm sounds*

Art by Henn Kim – Inner Voice

 

This Time Around…

This time around
my heart has
succumb to gravity
and fell harder than ever…
suicidal
with the wind against its face
it jumped

from my ledge of consciousness
into the pit of “what we have”

This time around
your breaths already knew
where to rest their footsteps for the night
as you slept on my chest listening to the music
my heart only knows how to play
for you
its sole inspiration

This time around
the hands of your watch
how to when to lead you
back into my arms
as they lay there
open wide, the same way my heart does
when it hears your name

This time around
tears cleansed the dust
that covered them with emptiness all this time,
when you were nowhere to be seen

This third time around
events went round and round
to put you right back where you belong
in front of me
just existing
this… time…
My stomach forgot how to churn
my appetite lost its way

my body, the needle of a compass
that gravitates towards you
my eyes hazy, with rosey vision
that colored all the greyness of sadness
my butterflies? I didn’t know
I still had them
This time is the charm
much like the one you cast on me
the first time my eyes

>>L      (oo)ked)          c          k          e          d<<

with yours and I willingly
threw the key
just to
engrave that moment
on the walls
of my heart
on the doors
of my memory
on the tip
of my pencil
whenever it reaches
for paper

 

This time around
I found a way
to carry you
with me
you’ll see
when we
meet
for the next
time

a

d              r

n                o

u

 

Just a Glimpse

Art by Quint Buchholz

 

 

<| <| Rewind|

Fall on my lips
while I fall with
gravity
hitting cotton clouds
of serenity
that you filled
in every cell of me

Take me back
defy physics
hold the hands of time
and turn them back
< <Rewind time

I’d replay drunken dawns
maybe memories
I forgot to remember
moments that fled
when I blinked
Rewind
PRESS PLAY |>
replay
again and again
with you

Walk backwards with me
pulling the lines of our
almost wrinkles
pulling them back
to relive the smooth days of youth
ready to reflect the recklessness
that will stitch itself
in the stories of the future
nestle in the wrinkles
that will vessel our faces
one day

Lay your hand on my chest
let your warmth melt ice
that filled its cracks
and mend it, weld it painfully
let the cracks fall into each
other and glow like iron
when hot
let them melt for each other
the same way I did
for you

Cup my cheek with the other
the surface that witnessed
salty waterfalls over
and over
from the left eye
dense with sadness
and the right
with droplets
of happiness
sometimes wiped by a lover
others soaked with a napkin
closer than any
when none were
around

Whisper to me
things your heart marinated
over the years
for it’s never too late
to start over

maybe i miss you