Mess

Messy hair, messy sheets
The smell of yester-night nestles
in your curls

The sun rays tease your eyes
as they slyly creep through the thin
curtains that hover with your sleepy breaths

Eye lids fighting the urge of separating
Exhaustion is seducing them
But that sun light, it’s getting brighter

Body feeble, tattooed with random bruises
“What the hell?”
The taste of cigarettes still linger
in your mouth, mixed with the after taste
of that vodka

You gather what’s left of your strength
..that damn Vodka stole half of it
As you struggle to from those magnetic
bed sheets, you slowly feel your leg muscles
aching, cramping, trying to carry your
upper body

Still struggling to move from that magnetically
powered bed, holding on to your weak body
You hear something
“What’s that annoying sound, raping my brain?”

You subconsciously know where to seek it
Yet you just voice your annoyance
You reach out to shut it down
it’s coming from the ground
attached to a charging chord
connected to a plug infested multi-power outlet
That stupid alarm!

You’re already awake,
Should you actually wake up?
You enjoy this lethargic state
You bask under the result of
being chewed up and spat out by last night
You surrendered your inhibitions to it
willingly!

Still in bed, stretching
You maneuver your body
in a way to overcome those bed sheets
You want to expose your body to the
empty walls of your room
You want to enjoy the chills they emit
the goosebumps they result in
With no thought in mind.

Facing the ceiling, brain regaining
consciousnesses of what a morning feels like
You reach back into the crumpled purse
that can narrate yester-night way more than you do
Still facing the ceiling, no energy to turn over
You trust your hand can slither it’s way around
that pouch

You feel the pack and it’s full of death sticks
You smile at the mini rewarding feeling
that the pack also has a lighter

As you lie there, facing the wall
enjoying the chills, you light that cigarette
you inhale, unmerciful of those lungs
a puff that reaches your toes,
You wanted that

As you exhale, you feel the smoke
oscillating its way out

You smile as it exits your mouth
feeling dragon-like
enjoying the
mess
that
you
are

Mess

VS.

You wake up
You know your routine by heart
Your body carries you mindlessly
into your outfit
Eyes still fighting the urge to widen

Your legs with great effort walk
to the kitchen to get your dose of caffeine ready
You sigh, it’s early alright
the weather is almost dreary

You still look at your empty bed
messy sheets, trace yester-nights movements
with that steaming coffee in hand
and your mind torn between
“should I?” vs. ” I MUST not”

You take your crumpled pack of cigarettes
You open the shutters,
The sun rays laser their way through
teasing your eyes with daylight
“You must wake up” vs. “let me hug my pillow tighter”

You sit on that balcony of yours
Overlooking the cookie-cutter buildings
The illusion of a view, for some reason
rests your eyes, you’re still home.

You look to your side, the other chair sits there
with droplets of rain slipping slowly,
It’s vacant vs. its antonym
You take a cautious sip of coffee silently” vs. asking “how’d you sleep?”

You light that cigarette to compliment your morning
You embrace that toxic smell, you see
the smoke dance, your eyes trace its motion
You artistically observe the smoke
“You grin” vs. “I love sleeping in the rain… next to you”

You lost yourself for a second there
You frantically look at your phone
As much as you want to stay
and fence with your thoughts of
Alone-ness vs. Loneliness
You delight in the thought
that the latter is far fetched

You enjoy the thought
that your alone-ness
is actually a state of mind
where you go realize, weigh, and respect
your true self

You embrace your alone-ness
Fuck it, your falling in love with it
It’s seducing you on a daily basis,
it’s slowly feeding you self respect
and you are mind blown
from realizing your
self worth .. FUCK wow!

You run into that social world
With an aura of glowing confidence
You must make money,
Rent is due!

Realizing your true self worth and beauty!

Realizing your true self worth and beauty!