Sinful

They told me,
that over expressing myself
can back fire on me

But how can one, control
those emotions, that gasp
for the freshness of the air
around them, once you blurt them?

How can one harness,
these boiling feelings
that yearn to be shared?

How can you sit there,
having these ideas
dressed up as feelings
swim between your fiery neurons?

How can the sharing of something
so deep and intimate
backfire?

I wondered…

They told me
to put reigns on my feelings
They told to halt them whenever
they tended to roam uncontrollably

But how can something so wild
so human and so true
be tamed?

How can something so personal
and so magical be selfishly kept to me?
How can you control yourself
from allowing some feelings
to be directed to him and her
and not him nor her?

I pondered

I tested myself, I decided
to block these emotions
to politely ask my heart
to feel when needed

I failed miserably

for I am a definition of how I feel
a clear meaning of how
I fall for a stupid smile
a sly lie, an embellished compliment,
a beautiful song, a tasty morning cigarette

then I paused and thought to myself

Why should I stop the only catalyst
that drives to me embark on careless
reckless adventures?

Why should I stop feeling, when
everything else is feeling-less?

Why should I control the magic
that you and you and you
relate to

Then I could feel that THUD again
and comprehended the fact
that feeling, is the only fascination
that can be define as a curse and a blessing!

So go ahead, share a cigarette
with a friend and be eloquent
about those feelings
being beautifully
sinful

Beautiful emotions

Beautiful emotions

DOZED

He brushed her spine
with the sharp blade of his knife
tingling her spine
awakening her goosebumps

That feeling, that simple
barely touching sense
has the power to ignite
and ripple waves of “Ahh’s”
across her body

Security, it engulfed her
it complimented the feeling of trust
She had, in her heart for him
Her thoughts wandered
away from the body that harnessed them
away from the scuffled sheets
that colored her bed

They flew from her dusty window sills
They soared across the dirty building rooftops
They danced with the October breezes
in full glee of being free

They flew, across the great blue
They had so much energy, they could
if they wanted reach the moon

They flew, with the birds,
They traveled to discover
the colors of a different city

They flew, far and beyond
to get high on the scents
of an exotic land

They flew without looking back
to feel the beauty of the world’s
citizens

They flew away from the dimmed lit room
they flew to find pulchritude
and fall in love

They flew, wildly
to dance with the night stars
to the music of tribe

They flew, weightlessly and carelessly
to taste the most toxic of drinks
to indulge in the trips that followed

All of a sudden,
Gravity felt stronger
The weightlessness of these thoughts
were pulled by some magnetic force
all the way back
to that dusty window sill

She awoke from her “doze”
Looked at the lover by her side
no remorse, no heartbeat

She got up, got dressed
lit her cigarette
and left
she had her thoughts’ wanderings
to accomplish.

thoughts

OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE

Power of Doubt

Your silly interpretations of love

Carried me into a disillusioned adventure

That I actually molded and created

You choked me with compliments

Whose fakeness were as real as the nylon bag you chose

You carried me beyond the stars

The stars that hung on my ceiling, not those that hung above

Can my heart be that blinded, shielded by the multiple faces of love?

Do I blame myself into taking this journey with your ghost?

I sat in the bar, surrounded by loud mumbles, the fermented smell of the night before

I took a drag from my cigarette, those long pondering kind of drags

You were not there, but in my thoughts of you being there were unfair

I exhaled, I felt different, my light dimmed,

I was not myself, nor was I lonely, but your stench lingered unwillingly

I diverted my thoughts away from you, but how can you ignore that perfume?

You can’t ignore a cologne, nor can you ignore a memory

Am I lonesome tonight? Not really, I have great company

Yet, you just had to fuck it up, your thoughts had to tarnish

that golden feeling of being liberated…

I thought you were an anchor, you settled me against the anguish waves of turmoil

However, I was mistaken, you pulled me down, into the deepest darkest abyss of the unknown part of you

Have I truly loved you? Sadly yes, my heart was weakened beyond measure

Coating you with the pink attractive cover of a drug

seduced by the color, yet oblivious to the effects that follow

Now comes the question, were you truly in love or were you drugged into feeling so?

Was my naïve heart a playground for you?

Was my dominance a queue for your relief?

Could your reciprocated smile be forced as a reflection of mine?

I doubt, because I felt and you know; at some point; you did too

Check her out anakegoodall.files.wordpress.com