Adaptation

I have heard those
“I told you so’s” abundantly
To a point, where
they have lost all the firmness
they once possessed
and their subtlety

They used to find power
by inflicting those 3 words on me
They basked under their strength
of knowing, telling me and then
confirming the fact that they did

At first, I inhaled it
like poison, feeling ashamed
at my embedded ignorance,
or can we say stubbornness?

I felt it creep through my nostrils
like smog, thick, dark and filthy
dirtying my insides with judgement

“I told you so”
*Cringes*
Once stamped on your wrist
that dank cheap ink, poisoned
your being,  placed you under a label
of meek ink
you are being judged
before taking another step
into your so called
“new life”
You’re the bouncer
You allowed yourself
into the next party

I still hear it echoing in the distance
I heard it redundantly
entering my ears, slithering their way through
the canals, reaching my brain

Until one day, being the human I was
impulsive, reckless,
myself
wearing different lenses
seeing the world in different ways
than you do
a social expat
I still did see the danger and dove
head first in it
I guess it’s the curiosity
mixed with stupidity
and let’s not forget the
spontaneity

I dove in, with a smile
bearing in mind that I could still
See the cheap stamp
on my wrist
stamped over and over
by different voices
It was a party and
I wanted in

Now, I still gather the shattered
bits and pieces of me
with a drunken smile
and with an over-used heart
I carry them in my purse
as I wobbled my way to exit
of this party, I could hear
the “I told you so’s”
from the lines of blurred faces
on the sides of the door

But this time
I had this smile on
knowing I’d heard it,
that phrase had music now
My, my what adaptation does
it has morphed this judgmental sentence
into music, that pumped me with adrenaline
to enter the next party
with more energy
more serotonin
more stupidity

But hey,
if it weren’t for that
I’d never have a brain full of
inventories and galaxies
filled with
stories
resulting
from
I
told you so’s

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Sway

(While you read, play this)

It echoed in my ears
that tune, that lovable marriage
between instruments
It slowly took a hold of my thoughts

That tune approached my naive
ideas, with confidence
not giving any chances of rejection
my ideas, love-struck
weightlessly, fell into its arms

The music, so magical
carried them, with passion
it swayed them, it twirled them
yet with fixated eyes
it kept the contact, it kept
the instant love, flaming

With every drum beat
that strong tune, would stomp
and my ideas skip a beat
Yes, they were in love with
that music, that strong powerful
accumulation of sound

Suddenly, an abrupt halt  (1:04)
caused my ideas to wonder
where has that music gone,
those who would carry them
to a surreal place, of fantasy
that music that would
guide their every step

Then it resumed, that beautiful figure (1:04)
haloed by those vibrating sounds
That music, with every climaxed beat
got closer, my neurons were firing
at the mere sight of it.

Full embrace, music again took the lead
my thoughts willingly submissive
shadowed every move,
They swayed through all corners of my mind
saluting dormant ideas, kissing nostalgic thoughts
and awakening new born ones

They, entwined,
danced,
My thoughts had a heart
My thoughts dove deeply
in love with the dance
that this music
guided!

Sway

Voodoo

From now on,
I took a vow
To look beyond
the transparent veil of bullshit
you so proudly wear

From now on,
I designed my feelings
to reflect on me,
yes, selfish indeed

From now on,
Your confident facade
Will not work its magic on me
I have talked to the voodoo
witch down the street
to concoct a potion for me
that will actually block
the crap you pull

She looked at my palm
As she was mixing her viscous potion
She said
“my child, all you have to do, is to let
her out, she is in there somewhere
and dammit it’s about time”

From now on,
I will not reflect on the past
The falling, the crying
the hurting
I will talk to them in alliance
I will make peace with them
and I will thank them for beating me up
so much, that even my heart grew
a six pack!

From now on, I will put the songs I want
I will walk and skip to the beat of every tune

From now on, I will not
give a fuck, if you’re hurt
or annoyed

From now on, I will go
wherever, regardless of your opinion
I will be messy and I will be classy
I will be loud and obnoxious, I will bite my nails
I will be quiet and doze off
I will replay The Darjeeling limited endlessly
and then when endlessly finishes I’ll watch
the Royal Tenebaums
over and over
I will play punk music and head bang
and I will imitate Dylan
I will sing to crappy pop songs
I will kiss that stupid good looking boy
I will walk and let my perfume seduce
I will wake up in an empty bed
hungover and happy
I have the whole space to myself

I will put flowers in my hair
and I will wear my hat indoors
because I feel like it
I will go for walks to nowhere
and I will dangle my legs
out of the window on road trips

I will soak in the world
and sometimes I’ll shut it out
I will wear my favorite shirt everyday
I will buy a jacket from the men’s section
I will doodle on your car
and I will always carry my doodle pad
no matter how geeky it is
I will have my crumpled pack of cigarettes
and my cheesy pink lighter
I will drink till dawn
and I will love my heart
because at the end of the day
it needs it the most

I will wear my my chuck taylors to a meeting
and I will wear my Stiletto’s at home
I will greet the morning sun
on my grungy porch
naked
letting the sun feast its eyes on my porcelain body
I will take pictures of random things
I will end up watching sunrise on a beach somewhere
enjoying my alcohol settling uncomfortably
in my stomach from the night before
I will laugh out loud, in an unclassy manner
I will put my feet on the table while I read
my erotic novels alongside some psychology!
I will talk about my family and how crazy they are
I will laugh at my own clumsiness
I will sing in the shower and I will cry
when I fucking feel like it
I will walk at night and enjoy
it’s naughtiness

I will let the dishes pile and I will clean like no tomorrow
I will gulp water on that hungover morning from the bottle
I will play with my food and I will get drunk
I will smoke in my room and I will play the BEATLES!
I will enjoy my tom boy-ish appearance
and I will attempt to apply that horrible thing
they call make-up

I will look pretty and I will look untidy

I will walk with my head up high,
I will stomp on the ground like it’s my bitch
I will look you straight in the eye
and then just keep walking
and you know what the best part is

to do all the above
I realized that
I don’t even
have to try

Stripped to her true nature

Anywhere, Anytime Song!

Some songs are just meant to be played in certain moments in life. You think they speak to you and they know how you feel and that’s why they are made! The mind is surely silly sometimes, but hey, Silly is sometimes exactly what you need to let out a little laugh!

This tune is just perfect whenever and wherever, the guitar strums are so pure it makes their voices “human”.
It gives you this sense of happy fulfillment and yes LOVE YOURSELF! Enjoy my dears and you’re welcome!

One of those days..

You left home and thought you grew
You met so many people and around the world you flew

You laughed with some and dined with others
You worked so hard and and sometimes you were even saddened

You loved many with all your heart and hugged a few
You felt for some and others didn’t really deserve a bit of you

At some point, after the world you rotated
The paths guide you back
Back home, the basis of comfort and fortress of emotions

You sit and cuddle in your own space
With the sun rays your fingers shadow dance
You close your eyes and bask under the glory of you
Comfort fills you from head to toe, like a cigarette in the morning dew
Inner strength surfaces weightlessly like lilly in a sleeping pond

With no one around to judge you, you see clearly
You feel differently and happily you giggle,
Alone indeed, there is no greater power than the adventure you go on with your thoughts
No restrictions, no laws, no wrongs and no rights
Just thoughts woven colorfully making a quilt of illusions whose creator is YOU!
It is hot, I am on the balcony, it’s breezy and I let my thoughts dance with me
Let my thoughts BE on one of those days!

Woman in bed sheets!

Woman in bed sheets!