Solo

I passed by that drunken street
during the day
It felt like a different place
It was not infested with glamoured up beings
nor was it showered by the spilled drinks of others

I aimlessly walked and enjoyed a cup of wine
at 3 pm, marveling at the pseudo sober humans
holding conversations, conducting meetings
eating, having coffee

Oh my dear street, I have underestimated you
and limited your existence to a “stage”  (quoted)
for drunken souls, drinking their third world
worries away, enjoying induced pleasure
that will either be vomited or lingered
in your mind – knocking on your skull
“Hey, I am your hang over”

As I sat there, soaking in the sun
on that crummy wobbly chair
I spoke to a friend of mine,
I could actually hear him,
I sipped on my wine with no intention
of gulping it, I smoked my cigarettes
normally, not chain-ly

“Let’s go check out some art”
That statement rang in my ears
Art, my senses clung to that last wine sip
so as to enjoy it with the art that I was about to see

As we walked, on those streets
my eyes were gawking at the bits and pieces
eaten by the night, that our vision fails
to grasp, for some reason I felt like a tourist
foreign to the same streets I frequent
every freaking day!

As my friend opened the iron gates
those creaks initiated a sense of mystic
feel
My body hungry for something unknown
my soul yearned for the cultural stimulation
that my brain climaxes to
My eyes forgot how to blink
aching for masterpieces

We stepped into a room
with patterned titles
in front of the door was a painting
black and white
Yet there was something mysterious about it
My eyes slowly moved my body
towards it, the magic halted my body
at a certain distance from it

My vision could capture the whole canvas
The yearning has stopped and now
it is at a loss of expression
it “froze” digesting the aura of this masterpiece

I fixated on the eyes
I could hear it, I could listen
to the chaos happening
in that brain behind those eyes
I could feel the sadness
the aches, the experiences
the happiness that has backfired
those endless nights homogenized
with alcohol and cigarettes
those days of being used and abused
or using and experimenting

I could see those eyes
looking back at me, and silently
relaying a response
“I’ve seen it and felt it too”
Shivers, goosebumps
trailed along my arms
my spine chilled with a peculiar feeling

I stood there, feeling small
I stood there absorbing the instant relationship
the one whose commitment was strongest
than any of my priors held with real humans
The one where a silent conversation
echoes in your body
The one where your space is its space
That one connection you have with someone
or something
That enigmatic feeling
where justification is not needed
nor required

I stood there, gazing
gawking at those eyes
Dammit, I can literally
converse
in silence
I was taken
my soulful satiation has been complete
my mental cultural richness reached
the brim, yet my eyes
my eyes would not stir away from the sight
The connection was immense, it hypnotized my eyes
my mental capacity
the conversation kept going

“Shoulder pat”

“Did you see that one?” he said
My attention was abruptly cut
my eyes remembered how to blink

As I walked around the gallery
that painting, kept looking
I felt like a blushed lover, stealing glances
because of that connection
It was not all butterflies and colors
It was  a painting
in simple black and white
dank dark colors
harsh strokes and thin hairlines of paint

It was a portrait
of mere
mess
that
was
a reflection
of
me
and
I
for the first time
loved
it

art by Rafic Majzoub - Rain on Me solo show, Beirut, Lebanon

art by Rafic Majzoub – Rain on Me solo show, Beirut, Lebanon

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Mystery

She walks with such grace
that’s only as beautiful
as the soul that
blossoms in her fiery core

Her perfume slithers
its way from her neck
all the way to your neurons
they burst with electricity
they establish an associative memory
“that’s her scent” – you say silently
Without a glimpse of her face ..
Well not yet!

Her scent has hypnotized you
to abruptly follow its invisible trail
You want to feast your eyes
on that beautiful woman
who’s scent speaks volumes
in pulchritude and seduction

Like a mad man,
logic has been suppressed
and your instincts kicked in
and you want to satiate your curiosity
You follow her down the street
You fixate your eyes on those golden locks
You try to piece up a face
to fit that gorgeous silhouette

As you pass the shadowy vague
passer by’s, you got closer
your heart pumping, your veins popped out
adrenaline has become your cocaine
every breath you take, gets shorter
as your hand extends to reach out
to touch her, a gentle tap on
her shoulder, a queue for her to turn around

Time froze, as she slowly turned
You were astonished at her appearance
Her face was as fresh as the first day of spring
innocence, yet those eyes
cut from stars, magnetically
attracted your attention
They harbored lively demons

You couldn’t fathom the mystery
that surrounded her
She was a mix of innocence
a dash of demon and whole
lot of secrets

Your hesitation at lacking the ability of verbalize
resulted in you blurting out
“Sorry thought you were someone else”

As she forced a smile
she said “It’s ok” and kept on walking
not giving you any ounce of attention
..and that my dear sir stirred something in you

As you walked back regaining your sense of logic
“wtf was that” moments started seeping in

You bought a beer from a crummy local place
leaned on a car by the sidewalk, took out a cigarette
You wondered
What secrets does such a human possess?
How many hearts has she broken? How many times has her been?
What kind of lovers have had her in their lives?
Does she like men or women?
What’s her addiction? What’s her weakness?

As your thoughts dance with your imagination
You reached mental illusions where you shared a cigarette with her
looked at her face, studied the wrinkles she has when she smiles
that one dimple
How can such a being, have lingering demons
playing within?
How can she plaster a smile to beautifully
cover her inner self?
You go on marveling

Yet you still cannot pin down the mystery…
that key
to open the door
and let the little devils come
out and play

Mess

Messy hair, messy sheets
The smell of yester-night nestles
in your curls

The sun rays tease your eyes
as they slyly creep through the thin
curtains that hover with your sleepy breaths

Eye lids fighting the urge of separating
Exhaustion is seducing them
But that sun light, it’s getting brighter

Body feeble, tattooed with random bruises
“What the hell?”
The taste of cigarettes still linger
in your mouth, mixed with the after taste
of that vodka

You gather what’s left of your strength
..that damn Vodka stole half of it
As you struggle to from those magnetic
bed sheets, you slowly feel your leg muscles
aching, cramping, trying to carry your
upper body

Still struggling to move from that magnetically
powered bed, holding on to your weak body
You hear something
“What’s that annoying sound, raping my brain?”

You subconsciously know where to seek it
Yet you just voice your annoyance
You reach out to shut it down
it’s coming from the ground
attached to a charging chord
connected to a plug infested multi-power outlet
That stupid alarm!

You’re already awake,
Should you actually wake up?
You enjoy this lethargic state
You bask under the result of
being chewed up and spat out by last night
You surrendered your inhibitions to it
willingly!

Still in bed, stretching
You maneuver your body
in a way to overcome those bed sheets
You want to expose your body to the
empty walls of your room
You want to enjoy the chills they emit
the goosebumps they result in
With no thought in mind.

Facing the ceiling, brain regaining
consciousnesses of what a morning feels like
You reach back into the crumpled purse
that can narrate yester-night way more than you do
Still facing the ceiling, no energy to turn over
You trust your hand can slither it’s way around
that pouch

You feel the pack and it’s full of death sticks
You smile at the mini rewarding feeling
that the pack also has a lighter

As you lie there, facing the wall
enjoying the chills, you light that cigarette
you inhale, unmerciful of those lungs
a puff that reaches your toes,
You wanted that

As you exhale, you feel the smoke
oscillating its way out

You smile as it exits your mouth
feeling dragon-like
enjoying the
mess
that
you
are

Mess

Layers

The exciting mystery
of your depth
Sparks with such electricity
that tempts the purest of souls
to tamper with it

The unraveling of your layers
that cover the gilded heart within
paused time, when it decided to proceed
My tamed intuitions are bewitched
by some sort of invisible energy

Every layer of you told a story
of a phase that embodies itself
in your system
As I attentively removed every shield
I soaked in every story, every bullshit
every compliment, every insult
that left that mouth of yours

Wait, my heart didn’t beat yet
Has it not been awakened by the
tangible feelings above?
Or it has it become immune to the
sly games of this thing called love
that has driven writers mad and lovers
insane?

As I sat there, with a mellow beating heart
I tried to dive back into the world
outside my rib cage and into the conversation

My eyes dissected every feature,
Silently reading those invisible
words that expose themselves
nakedly, to be read by every passer by
Those none verbal ques
those movements
fidgeting, confidence,
crossed hands, running hand through hair

I read them, as words filled the atmosphere with noise
I lit my cigarette so as to satiate my nicotine craving
Time became slow, bad sign I know
As I pulled back, as if a beckoning from my heart
I rest my back on the wooden chair
It’s wonderful how your unspoken motions
send waves of meaning

I gazed, I gathered the small elements
I absorbed the meaning
from the picture as a whole
a moment of awareness
and I embraced it
and it felt rewarding
this feeling of blasé
this feeling of self realization
this feeling of loving upon demand
and not upon heart felt control

I sat there, I with a smoky cloud
embellishing the dry atmosphere
in between, I smiled
and I said
“You know, I don’t really care”
With dilated eyes, you looked at me
and noticed that I too have layers
that need unraveling
be it delicately or ravishly

Layers to the Bone