Peace

Once there was this soul
that wandered aimlessly
literally

that soul, was a product
of easy living and naive breathing
walking through paths less traveled
taking advice from the here and there

that soul, was a conclusion
of the picture perfect being
striving to complete the straight A
attitude it has always maintained

That soul always clung to passer-bys
for fear of being a lonely wanderer
that soul needed the comfort of another

Until one day, there was this hammer
that was hitting that bubble surrounding this
body-less aura, that hammer
redundantly kept hitting that fragile cover
as the cracks crept from all angles, it eventually broke

The soul was released from confinement
it was left to wander and wonder
it was alone, escaped that comfort of its own inflicted
cover bubble

It left that space like incense smoke
swirling with the wind, creating art out of nothing
generating amusement as it left that burning stick
with a beautiful scent, leaving behind the ashes
of the cold fragrant stick, wilting

Now what?

As it curled and swirled
it expanded its horizons to a bigger bubble
a bubble of no boundaries
It escalated to the euphoric highs of freedom
and it sometimes deterioted to the lingering feelings that
once reminded it of that silly fragile bubble, it once called home

As it weightlessly flew through that bigger horizon
it stumbled on lost body, wandering the face of the earth
it felt familiar, the soul looked closely, that body was empty
broken burnt, effaced from all things that reflected its true beauty
to the outer world

As that body inhaled a breath of fresh air
the soul entered it with no thoughts
the soul fell in love with it
that feeling of love at first sight
driving the soul to insanely and spontaneously
become one with that body
the soul nestled beautifully
and slowly realized that this is home

The body, glowed it felt alive again
It has found sanctuary within itself again

It felt beautiful all on its own
It felt powerful

It was just the antidote
to those empty lifeless eyes
it felt like all  it needed

was breath of fresh air

to revive that once wild spirit
to give light to the world it had
hidden behind those eyes
that rib cage
and that damn thick skin

and the soul, oh the soul

it felt more at home
than ever
it has found its
calling
its
Peace

nycgirlbalcony.jpg

NYC BALCONY – 1950 SERENE, BREATHE

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Third World

Consider this
A nation drugged with
numbness,
Bombs of sarcasm on our border
Humans with crocodile smiles
Roads of crammed cars
Sounds of the night
Just like every other night

I could not but join in the celebration
We have become pathetic, we have adapted
to war
This is not a light thing to say
We have adapted to being the laughing stock
of our neighboring countries

We have grown fond of death and killings
we have been psychologically conditioned
to become desensitized
to what “progressed countries” call
“an unstable nation”

Wait,
I forgot the patriots
I pity them, those whose souls
are strong, on an individual level because
most have lost interest in “hope”
Props to you and your unheard voices
whatever keeps that heart of yours beating
well…inject more,

project to progress

We’ve become a selfish nation
each striving to perfect that blueprint
of his illusion called “future”

YOU ARE ALL DELUSIONAL

I join the mental protest
towards progress, I join the
rivers of ambition that lead to the waterfall
with the rocky bottom
I join the walk towards
that fucking idea of “success”
then I pause
I halt in the middle of all that commotion
“then what?”

I still live in this country, I still have this crummy
apartment, I still don’t have water, I still don’t have electricity
I still plan on leaving, everyday
I still .. still
I still get drunk on ideas, on feelings
on alcohol on tangible moments
on psychological satisfactions
on the idea of WE instead of ME
AND vice versa when needed

“Shuffled Sheets”
I woke up, my nostrils dirtied
by the polluted air that I so willingly breathe
I am hosting this weakened body
that has become programmed
to follow routine
to react to any action
to just push through the next sunrise
I light my cigarette to compliment the fact
that I am awake, I am still alive
on an empty stomach growling
for something new

Ah what a paradox

I stood on my balcony, resting on that rusty
railing of mine, I look across to see how
the buzzing bees of Beirut, cease to
acknowledge the infesting corruption
that is slowly feeding off of their humanity
like parasites on unaware hosts

I see them, I can hear them
I disagree with
and all I can do is exhale that
cancerous smoke and join in
the
corrupted
celebration
well…
for now!

Then I took another look
at the messy view
colored by laundry rails
old wooden shutters
cheap paint and LCD advertisements
and I saw you standing there
on your porch with your head
stuck in your own cigarette smoke
leaning and looking straight
back at me

city 3

See

I see her from time to time
walking on those streets
either morning or night

We live in the same vicinity
So visual bumping is bound to occur
She’s covered in colors
a reflection of her thoughts or
a result of a hungover morning?
I wonder

I have walked back and forth
with the mornings and sunsets
I have replayed the same songs in my head
I have counted my steps
and yes I have seen her 
from the corner of my eye
the jumble of colors 
walking to the rhythms of the beats
in my ears
She smiles, I am curious and 
clueless as to the reason 
but it suits her

Mornings and sunsets,

Suddenly you find yourself
having drinks during the week
with your comfort group


the table was covered
with filled ashtrays. colorful
drinks, to each his own 

I was there, with my drink in front of me
I saw her come in, making her way

She had her own group
But I as intoxicated as I was
I let down my guard 
to my thoughts that is
I unchained them, 
and let them loose
since my body was catatonic


However at the end
I abdicated to my mind,
I gathered my limbs and walked towards her

She looked messy but it’s beautiful
she portrayed a mosaic of pulchritude
different pieces of different colors

“I see you pass by everyday
Hi!”
She giggled, “you do?” As she took a drag
from her cigarette
I felt she was examining me
Her eyes scanned my face,
stripped me to the bone
but the beauty of it is that she did it
so innocently

She raped me innocently
Fuck who can say that!
Anyways

Then I found myself at a loss for words
Her vision scan has erased my vocabulary
my mental capacity to engage in small talk
“wtf is small talk anyways”
As I tried to articulate something worthwhile
to give value to my presence next to her
I found myself frozen

“What do you do?”
I used those four words as an excuse
for her to look at me and talk,
giving me the chance to feast
my eyes at her, I do know her

Her hand gestures
her giggles
Her candy wrapping truly does hide
a lot,
hard candy with a soft chewy core
I just figured
that this confident person
with no care in the world
shields herself from the bullshit
around
She has fortified her being
by ingesting every bullshit factor
and morphing it into something beautiful
no matter what

Every time she took a drag from her cigarette
Her eyes would divert from me and into the crowd
She would just look at them
I could see the gears in her head twisting
I could see what her eyes were doing
she didn’t say much, she listened
but she also listened with her eyes
she watched every woman and every man
She OBSERVED
It gave a her rush, they seemed to be the strings
to which she would weave stories about
they seemed to be characters and her joy
was to read, strip, create, generate, replace,

I could see that,
As she exhaled her smoke
She smirked
For smiling to her
was too precious to give away
so easily she diverted her

minute attention to me
She grabbed my hand
got closer to me
My heart…

Got closer to my ear
she whispered

“I see you too”

Those 4 words sent
ripples of
insecurities
it’s like I’ve been stripped
of the last tiny bit
of sober confidence I had

I have
never
felt
so
naked
and infected
with her colors

flower boy

Challenge

“Someone asked me today

“Can you write the saddest thing
and make your readers vicariously feel it?”
I looked at him with a smile
a sly one indeed, for it truly
contradicts the task demanded from me

I smiled when asked to write
a grim entry, oddly enough
I didn’t hesitate projecting my
glee, again I say
oddly
what a paradox right?

I shall take joy and pride in dissecting
the events, in making your heart ache and
your eyes cringe, it inflicts so much
emotions that your heart will go into overdrive
but wait, I shall do this slow and dark
I shall bask under the grimness of it all
I shall be the darkness that will rain on your parade
the splash you mostly dread from cars
passing by,
I shall be the puddle with
the deep end, the one you step in before your interview
I shall be the heart ache that has taken so many years from your life
so much effort from your side
and I will burn as I heal and close the broken cracks within

I shall be the tune in a movie scene, that strums your heart
that generates ripples of goosebumps
that dilates your pupils
I shall be the epic downfall of your favorite character in that movie

I shall be the bitter taste of bad wine
the bottle you’ve waited so long to open
I shall be the stale chocolate
that you have craved for so long
I shall be the feeling that will make your eyes beat
before the waterfall tears

I shall be the escalation of events
that will generate aches of emotional
uneasiness, starting from your stomach
making its way to your throat
where it will nestle as a lump
before the cry fest

Ladies and gentlemen this is NOT the entry
this is a mere description of the melancholic
lag
that flows superfluously like the smooth
golden threads of honey
collecting itself at the bottom
layer upon layer
until
it reaches that climactic height
and then loses balance
and falls
ruining
that tiny castle
of honey
that you have meticulously
created
and now you
remorse
over

Do you feel me?
I know
I made you
feel!

faces

Rummage

I am car less
So I took to walking under the rain
passing all those cars in traffic
I felt a sense of accomplishment

As I did, on the dog shit infested sidewalk
My thoughts came knocking
Knowing that I would shun them away
But having forgotten my headphones
I hesitatingly welcomed them
as grim or as random as they may seem
They entered, first step forward
“the nerve on these rascals”

As I carried my legs
along the pavement
first, as silly as it sounded,
I started scanning the pattern below my feet
and made sure that all fit perfectly
geometrically

Then someone passed me
That cologne, met my thoughts
and they invited it for a drink
over that drink, my thoughts asked it
“hmm, nice scent, did you get it
is it YOUR scent?, what other scent friends
do you hang out with? Did his girlfriend force
this cologne on him?”
These thoughts had no mercy,
they questioned that cologne
like no tomorrow

All this in my head,
in a split of second
all in silence

Walking through,
I spotted an old man
carrying a plastic bag
with parsley and oranges
coloring that cheap transparent bag

Again my thoughts clung to his image
They too invited it for a drink
“What’s for dinner? Where’s the wife or you live alone?
Why are you walking late, under the rain? Oh you’re wearing converse?”
Poor idea, sat there on that round table in my brain,
again quiet

Then I passed him and my thoughts let go of his idea
Step by step, ideas roamed around in my head
like crazy alcoholics seeking the next idea
to binge on it, let loose

Oh foreigners!
Here we go again,
Those crazy thoughts
Seduced their idea to share that table in my head
“Why are you here? Do you even like it here? Maybe
cause your presence is temporary you enjoy
this country’s corruption? But seriously
Why here?”

Silence, I can only feel
the rummage, but to the world outside
I am just a car-less person
walking under the rain

I got closer to home,
these faces walking past me
prompted my thoughts’ invitation to them
Oh the questions, they asked
Oh the curiosity it spurred
I’ve seen them before,
bumped into them,
I know them,
but I don’t
This instant identity click
is street language
I am sure you know
what I mean,
Sometimes this click
prompts an involuntary smile
because “yea I’ve seen you every morning
but I know nothing about you, but
know you”

What if I truly articulated these questions to strangers?
Imagine the stories i’d weave

I got to my apartment
and for some odd reason
once I found myself
in my familiar zone
these thoughts got too drunk
and crashed
into
routine
mode

Have you met my thoughts?

FRAME

Don’t constrict your vision
to what you can confine within your hands,
it might hurt, it is risky, you will grow some balls
but widen that freaking frame,
your portrait will be much more colourful
you will have a story
whose series of events
are not in YOUR control

Don’t be scared
Keep it in the back of your head
the cocktail of events
will stab you, kiss you
hug you, dump you
but, think about it
why would you confine
that frame to your
so called “comfort zone”
constricted vision

Widen that frame,
involve people
involve ass holes
involve lovers
involve beauty
involve ugliness
involve strangers
involve pets
involve family

Widen
that
frame

Let the events paint
your masterpiece
some blotches will be messy
some corners will have details
some parts will speak to many
others will be precise

but
take my word
for it
widen
that
Frame

perspective

Freedom

If I had the freedom
to abdicate to my
wildest thoughts

I would be on a plane
heading to a destination
that would arouse
my stagnant senses

Those that have been shot down
by the self inflicted social routine,
slowly reaping what is left
of what makes me human

If I had the freedom
I would be a bird
with wings spread
flying and looking down,
but never being a part of
the dirt, the chaos, the murder
the beauty, the innocence

If I had the freedom
I would carelessly voice “I love you’s”
to everyone who needs it
I would hand it out like free candy

To those whose hearts
that need mending
I will be their glue

To those whose hearts that are broken
I will give them a new ones
To those whose hopes have been crushed
I will hand them jars upon jars of bubble-wrapped aspirations

If I had the freedom
I would share stories with strangers
and listen to theirs and instantly
feel richer

If I had the freedom
I would spend my days
with my fingers dancing out
words on that blank slate
compiling pages and pages
of material to read and be read

If I had the freedom
I would make peace with all those
whose pride has eaten them alive
whose past has amplified hate into their future
and mine

If I had the freedom
I would remove myself from the digital world
that has eaten my time and wasted my eye sight

If I had the freedom
I would land my lips on yours
and kiss you, because you are beautiful

If I had the freedom…
I would embrace you
and tell you everything will be O.K

But
I don’t
and
I won’t

Held Back

VS.

You wake up
You know your routine by heart
Your body carries you mindlessly
into your outfit
Eyes still fighting the urge to widen

Your legs with great effort walk
to the kitchen to get your dose of caffeine ready
You sigh, it’s early alright
the weather is almost dreary

You still look at your empty bed
messy sheets, trace yester-nights movements
with that steaming coffee in hand
and your mind torn between
“should I?” vs. ” I MUST not”

You take your crumpled pack of cigarettes
You open the shutters,
The sun rays laser their way through
teasing your eyes with daylight
“You must wake up” vs. “let me hug my pillow tighter”

You sit on that balcony of yours
Overlooking the cookie-cutter buildings
The illusion of a view, for some reason
rests your eyes, you’re still home.

You look to your side, the other chair sits there
with droplets of rain slipping slowly,
It’s vacant vs. its antonym
You take a cautious sip of coffee silently” vs. asking “how’d you sleep?”

You light that cigarette to compliment your morning
You embrace that toxic smell, you see
the smoke dance, your eyes trace its motion
You artistically observe the smoke
“You grin” vs. “I love sleeping in the rain… next to you”

You lost yourself for a second there
You frantically look at your phone
As much as you want to stay
and fence with your thoughts of
Alone-ness vs. Loneliness
You delight in the thought
that the latter is far fetched

You enjoy the thought
that your alone-ness
is actually a state of mind
where you go realize, weigh, and respect
your true self

You embrace your alone-ness
Fuck it, your falling in love with it
It’s seducing you on a daily basis,
it’s slowly feeding you self respect
and you are mind blown
from realizing your
self worth .. FUCK wow!

You run into that social world
With an aura of glowing confidence
You must make money,
Rent is due!

Realizing your true self worth and beauty!

Realizing your true self worth and beauty!

HUMAN

You stand there
Paused in a fast forward world
You squint your eyes
to focus your vision
on what you THINK
matters
You stand there
bottled with mixed emotions
injecting your brain with digital
droplets of imposed norms
You stand there
with a beating heart
that your body has harnessed
till now
With breathing lungs
that still support you, even though
you smoke like a fucking chimney
You stand there on the street
Scanning the same faces,
the same familiar faces
that frequent your footsteps
to and fro, everyday
those whose eyes are glued
to the very same gadgets
that stir their vision away
from the world itself
You stand there, with the moving landscaped
centered in front of you
but no sound, just the blasting
music, in your ears
unique to you, ON THAT DAY
You orchestrate the motions
of humans, cars, birds
to the beats of your tunes
You stand there, helpless
facing that fast paced world
that has individualized the “WE”
that has controlled us … digitally
You stand there,
WAIT.. YOU SPOT SOMEONE
Also standing there
looking away from those
plastic robots in his palm
and looking right back
at you!
The stare that speaks to you in a loud world!

The stare that speaks to you in a loud world!

Enchantment

It was there, the cup half full
It was there, the smiles, the friends
the giggles, the nights, the full house

Life seemed perfect,
The way it planned its strategy
felt flawless

Until one day, life gazed upon a
gleeful soul, beautiful aura
Her dirty blond hair was vibrant
Her presence around you
made you feel like a better person
she seemed magical and to those around her
she spread her positivism
she made everything better,
even through all the shit and muck
through all the heartbreaks and fuck-ups
she maintained that peaceful smile
whose power can ripple across oceans

Life sucked in that enchantment
and concocted a formula that will
revamp that youthful innocent soul
that will give her a taste of the roughest side

One day, she woke up grateful
she’s alive, clueless to the major change
that will occur in 2 hours
She again, wore that beautiful smile
and went on living

Without realizing
She stepped in a trap
It was concealed with green grass… flowers
She fell into an abyss of reality sharks
reality so harsh it sucked the brightness that surrounded
reality so harsh it bit a chunk off that loud beating heart
reality so harsh it slapped the magic right out of her system

She sat there in the darkness
feeling cheated,
She opened her eyes,
She felt a new spirit, inhibiting her being
She felt a strength that has settled where her heart once was
She, stood up, she looked up at the sky
it was still blue, and the clouds still swam by carelessly
Nothing has stopped
This fortified this new sensation
She climbed up from that reality hole,
She has embarked on something new
This enigmatic feeling was still foreign to her
She is trying to embody it

She is loving it
As she reached the surface
Her light became brighter than ever before
Her hair glistened
Her smile wider
and even her presence was stronger

She looked up at the sky
She said
“Whatever you did there, thank you”

MAGIC

MAGIC