You Are

You’re high aren’t you?
On those sleepless nights
driven by curiosity,
by this urging sense of
uncovering the dark blanket
of the night

You’re shaking aren’t you?
From the exhaustion that is slowly
munching up every last joule of energy
your body has clasped on to till now

You’re crashing aren’t you?
From that reckless behavior
that has put your mind to sleep
and gave way to your psychotic self
to creep

You’re wobbling, aren’t you?
Losing balance from the “normal”
losing control of the weight that has kept you standing
on your two feet till now

You’re smiling aren’t you?
With squinty eyes, absorbing
the third world chaos as it unravels
deeper issues, layer by layer

You’re clumsy aren’t you?
Bumping into fixtures,
jousting with those thoughts versus
reality, giving glimpses of both
blurring the actual state of being

You’re loving this, aren’t you?
The guilty pleasure of enjoying the
simple sins, those
that sprinkle life with a bit more
that the mediocre stuff
The problems, the instability,
the mental disorders, the horrible
reality checks, the downfalls,
the intoxicated laughter, the messed up
attempts of having a relationship
the harshness of listening to hurtful advice
the fact that your roof is leaking and your walls
emit frozen chills

You’re awake now, you’re tired
You’re pumped up with adrenaline,
You’re wobbling,
God knows in what state you’re in

But when you let your thoughts on paper
or screen for this case, you slowly realize
that each line you write
unedited, un-proofread
Each line, lined meticulously
is projected from that brain, that’s quiet
that’s observant

is a little realization about who
you
are
You’re wobbling, your lungs are filled with smoke
You’re functioning on 4 hours of sleep

You’re a scribbled mess
and those words have no mercy
telling you that
YES
YOU
ARE

Adara Sánchez Anguiano. Ilustración para la Revista Plástica.

Adara Sánchez Anguiano. Ilustración para la Revista Plástica.

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Mess

Messy hair, messy sheets
The smell of yester-night nestles
in your curls

The sun rays tease your eyes
as they slyly creep through the thin
curtains that hover with your sleepy breaths

Eye lids fighting the urge of separating
Exhaustion is seducing them
But that sun light, it’s getting brighter

Body feeble, tattooed with random bruises
“What the hell?”
The taste of cigarettes still linger
in your mouth, mixed with the after taste
of that vodka

You gather what’s left of your strength
..that damn Vodka stole half of it
As you struggle to from those magnetic
bed sheets, you slowly feel your leg muscles
aching, cramping, trying to carry your
upper body

Still struggling to move from that magnetically
powered bed, holding on to your weak body
You hear something
“What’s that annoying sound, raping my brain?”

You subconsciously know where to seek it
Yet you just voice your annoyance
You reach out to shut it down
it’s coming from the ground
attached to a charging chord
connected to a plug infested multi-power outlet
That stupid alarm!

You’re already awake,
Should you actually wake up?
You enjoy this lethargic state
You bask under the result of
being chewed up and spat out by last night
You surrendered your inhibitions to it
willingly!

Still in bed, stretching
You maneuver your body
in a way to overcome those bed sheets
You want to expose your body to the
empty walls of your room
You want to enjoy the chills they emit
the goosebumps they result in
With no thought in mind.

Facing the ceiling, brain regaining
consciousnesses of what a morning feels like
You reach back into the crumpled purse
that can narrate yester-night way more than you do
Still facing the ceiling, no energy to turn over
You trust your hand can slither it’s way around
that pouch

You feel the pack and it’s full of death sticks
You smile at the mini rewarding feeling
that the pack also has a lighter

As you lie there, facing the wall
enjoying the chills, you light that cigarette
you inhale, unmerciful of those lungs
a puff that reaches your toes,
You wanted that

As you exhale, you feel the smoke
oscillating its way out

You smile as it exits your mouth
feeling dragon-like
enjoying the
mess
that
you
are

Mess