Peace

Once there was this soul
that wandered aimlessly
literally

that soul, was a product
of easy living and naive breathing
walking through paths less traveled
taking advice from the here and there

that soul, was a conclusion
of the picture perfect being
striving to complete the straight A
attitude it has always maintained

That soul always clung to passer-bys
for fear of being a lonely wanderer
that soul needed the comfort of another

Until one day, there was this hammer
that was hitting that bubble surrounding this
body-less aura, that hammer
redundantly kept hitting that fragile cover
as the cracks crept from all angles, it eventually broke

The soul was released from confinement
it was left to wander and wonder
it was alone, escaped that comfort of its own inflicted
cover bubble

It left that space like incense smoke
swirling with the wind, creating art out of nothing
generating amusement as it left that burning stick
with a beautiful scent, leaving behind the ashes
of the cold fragrant stick, wilting

Now what?

As it curled and swirled
it expanded its horizons to a bigger bubble
a bubble of no boundaries
It escalated to the euphoric highs of freedom
and it sometimes deterioted to the lingering feelings that
once reminded it of that silly fragile bubble, it once called home

As it weightlessly flew through that bigger horizon
it stumbled on lost body, wandering the face of the earth
it felt familiar, the soul looked closely, that body was empty
broken burnt, effaced from all things that reflected its true beauty
to the outer world

As that body inhaled a breath of fresh air
the soul entered it with no thoughts
the soul fell in love with it
that feeling of love at first sight
driving the soul to insanely and spontaneously
become one with that body
the soul nestled beautifully
and slowly realized that this is home

The body, glowed it felt alive again
It has found sanctuary within itself again

It felt beautiful all on its own
It felt powerful

It was just the antidote
to those empty lifeless eyes
it felt like all  it needed

was breath of fresh air

to revive that once wild spirit
to give light to the world it had
hidden behind those eyes
that rib cage
and that damn thick skin

and the soul, oh the soul

it felt more at home
than ever
it has found its
calling
its
Peace

nycgirlbalcony.jpg

NYC BALCONY – 1950 SERENE, BREATHE

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Voodoo

From now on,
I took a vow
To look beyond
the transparent veil of bullshit
you so proudly wear

From now on,
I designed my feelings
to reflect on me,
yes, selfish indeed

From now on,
Your confident facade
Will not work its magic on me
I have talked to the voodoo
witch down the street
to concoct a potion for me
that will actually block
the crap you pull

She looked at my palm
As she was mixing her viscous potion
She said
“my child, all you have to do, is to let
her out, she is in there somewhere
and dammit it’s about time”

From now on,
I will not reflect on the past
The falling, the crying
the hurting
I will talk to them in alliance
I will make peace with them
and I will thank them for beating me up
so much, that even my heart grew
a six pack!

From now on, I will put the songs I want
I will walk and skip to the beat of every tune

From now on, I will not
give a fuck, if you’re hurt
or annoyed

From now on, I will go
wherever, regardless of your opinion
I will be messy and I will be classy
I will be loud and obnoxious, I will bite my nails
I will be quiet and doze off
I will replay The Darjeeling limited endlessly
and then when endlessly finishes I’ll watch
the Royal Tenebaums
over and over
I will play punk music and head bang
and I will imitate Dylan
I will sing to crappy pop songs
I will kiss that stupid good looking boy
I will walk and let my perfume seduce
I will wake up in an empty bed
hungover and happy
I have the whole space to myself

I will put flowers in my hair
and I will wear my hat indoors
because I feel like it
I will go for walks to nowhere
and I will dangle my legs
out of the window on road trips

I will soak in the world
and sometimes I’ll shut it out
I will wear my favorite shirt everyday
I will buy a jacket from the men’s section
I will doodle on your car
and I will always carry my doodle pad
no matter how geeky it is
I will have my crumpled pack of cigarettes
and my cheesy pink lighter
I will drink till dawn
and I will love my heart
because at the end of the day
it needs it the most

I will wear my my chuck taylors to a meeting
and I will wear my Stiletto’s at home
I will greet the morning sun
on my grungy porch
naked
letting the sun feast its eyes on my porcelain body
I will take pictures of random things
I will end up watching sunrise on a beach somewhere
enjoying my alcohol settling uncomfortably
in my stomach from the night before
I will laugh out loud, in an unclassy manner
I will put my feet on the table while I read
my erotic novels alongside some psychology!
I will talk about my family and how crazy they are
I will laugh at my own clumsiness
I will sing in the shower and I will cry
when I fucking feel like it
I will walk at night and enjoy
it’s naughtiness

I will let the dishes pile and I will clean like no tomorrow
I will gulp water on that hungover morning from the bottle
I will play with my food and I will get drunk
I will smoke in my room and I will play the BEATLES!
I will enjoy my tom boy-ish appearance
and I will attempt to apply that horrible thing
they call make-up

I will look pretty and I will look untidy

I will walk with my head up high,
I will stomp on the ground like it’s my bitch
I will look you straight in the eye
and then just keep walking
and you know what the best part is

to do all the above
I realized that
I don’t even
have to try

Stripped to her true nature

Enchantment

It was there, the cup half full
It was there, the smiles, the friends
the giggles, the nights, the full house

Life seemed perfect,
The way it planned its strategy
felt flawless

Until one day, life gazed upon a
gleeful soul, beautiful aura
Her dirty blond hair was vibrant
Her presence around you
made you feel like a better person
she seemed magical and to those around her
she spread her positivism
she made everything better,
even through all the shit and muck
through all the heartbreaks and fuck-ups
she maintained that peaceful smile
whose power can ripple across oceans

Life sucked in that enchantment
and concocted a formula that will
revamp that youthful innocent soul
that will give her a taste of the roughest side

One day, she woke up grateful
she’s alive, clueless to the major change
that will occur in 2 hours
She again, wore that beautiful smile
and went on living

Without realizing
She stepped in a trap
It was concealed with green grass… flowers
She fell into an abyss of reality sharks
reality so harsh it sucked the brightness that surrounded
reality so harsh it bit a chunk off that loud beating heart
reality so harsh it slapped the magic right out of her system

She sat there in the darkness
feeling cheated,
She opened her eyes,
She felt a new spirit, inhibiting her being
She felt a strength that has settled where her heart once was
She, stood up, she looked up at the sky
it was still blue, and the clouds still swam by carelessly
Nothing has stopped
This fortified this new sensation
She climbed up from that reality hole,
She has embarked on something new
This enigmatic feeling was still foreign to her
She is trying to embody it

She is loving it
As she reached the surface
Her light became brighter than ever before
Her hair glistened
Her smile wider
and even her presence was stronger

She looked up at the sky
She said
“Whatever you did there, thank you”

MAGIC

MAGIC

A Dose of “Youth Fillers” with an Injection of “A Messed up Reality”

We’re young and restless
Souls drugged with lust for life and especially the night
You sit in your corporate identity dreading the sounds of the keyboards echoing
and growing as time slowly tics its way through the day

You are productive, well at least you’re trying
You want to make something of yourself! – good job fooling yourself
We all know it, your corporate identity is just another stamp
licked and put on you by society, just for the sake of monetary survival.

Don’t get me wrong we need money, but the fact that we inhibit a robotic mood from 9am to 6pm is still there

We’re young and restless
We wait for the night, the darkness that slowly strips you from that dull tie and suit form
The night that releases your inner energy with just one song, one plan, one gathering
Makeup and dresses
Cars and cigars
Can you smell that aroma?
that wild perfumed smell, that vodka in your drink and of course cigarettes?
Yes, it’s calling my spirit, it’s seducing my liver and my heart
…well my heart is bewitched by the charms of the night and all its glory

Can you hear the laughter?
Can you feel the carelessness?
The country is tip toeing on dormant mines
The country is spiraling down
Yet, we the restless youth, survive,
We embrace our true nature, loud and beautiful, sexy and freaking HOT!
We carry ourselves with such confidence and grace, we feel gorgeous
The indescribable tension between us and the night grows, you feel the butterflies
We’re in love with the music, the people- the beautiful people, we’re in love with the strangers, that random drink
We’re in love with the strong stench on the streets, loud cars and obnoxious lovers
We’re in love

We embrace the night, we make love to it, then leave at dusk when
the morning shines through, piercing our eyes with its innocent rays,
Pull your pants up, tie that knot, ready yourself

We wake up, again, in a country burning down,
We wake up, ROBOT MODE ON
Corporate identity activated, dormant souls in check

A dose of youth fillers with an injection of messed up reality!

A dose of youth fillers with an injection of messed up reality!

A drink called “Reality”

You thought you had it all planned, didn’t you? You are the type of person who plans the day from the moment you wake up, you recite your work tasks while you’re brushing your teeth, decide on when you can escape work to lunch with friends, them call them up and plan a mini- soiree just to avoid having what you call “dead time”.  You have done this for quite sometime, you’re a pro and you like it. You have got the right job, you own it, you’re good at what you do and people know this about you – ego boost right? You have your own circle of friends whom you confide in, drink buzz with – even though they might hate it- you trust and are always a phone call away.

You have it all, the job, the lover the friends, the social life, the extra cash from freelance and there’s nothing that will wipe that content smile off your face.
Life pauses, looks at you, and says ” hmm she’s got it all, or so she thinks,  wait a minute”. Then Life goes on concocting a reality mix  that will slap you so hard, like that lost shot of tequila that you shouldn’t have had!

Suddenly, you wake up with the biggest hang over, blurry thoughts, dry throat with a memory of a goldfish. You wake up, it’s day time, the scent of your past is lurking in your clothes and hair like the ever sticking smell of cigarettes. Your gut, it’s hurting from an over dose of reality, you’re nauseous, you’re hungry and you’re at a loss for words of how to describe this feeling.

You reached a point, where looking back is not even a given, no plans for the future, since your previous blueprint was puked on by who else- YOU!
You are hungover on life, decisions were made and your mental state is doughy! You’re weak, yet strong, you’re confused yet determined but at the end you’re just a MESS! A nice mess maybe, but we all know messy things aren’t visually pleasing- unless you bask in your mess, that’s a different story!
So, morning, hungover, mess, blurry thoughts “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?”

As your sober thoughts start creeping in you get a hold of reality, you are alone, your lover disappeared, your past seems like a watered down cocktail, fading colors, fading taste and even the ice cubes that chilled it, melted away.

NOW WHAT?
You gather your loose limbs, get your strength, get up, open the curtains and look outside.. see that, that world out there- it’s still here and you, well pinch yourself, you’re still here. It’s at your disposal, it’s your lover, it’s your mistress, it’s your friend- the world is full of various experiences that help you discover who you truly are!
The world can love you back, when you do- the world can be your imaginary lover, the one who cares for you, feels with you and actually WANTS you to love it.
The world can be the biggest bitch- no matter what, these things are bound to happen and as cheesy as it sounds- all happen for a reason. (I personally didn’t even get a good reason for all the fuck-ups I passed through, but yet some people say patience is a virtue others say, you know it will happen when you least expect it).
The world can also seduce you into taking decisions and doing things that are pleasurable yet morally wrong. These don’t pertain to one specific aspect, yet each person can mold this statement into something that suits him/her. You are blinded by the lusty feeling, you are not in love, you are seduced, bewitched, yet you just can’t grasp that part of the world- for everyone knows love affairs are pleasurable and brief and someone is bound to get hurt- yet AT THAT MOMENT you don’t want to foresee you want to just BE!

You can never get enough, another time life gives you one of its cocktails, you will light a cigarette, take that first “tasting” sip and confidently enjoy it!

Light it up hunny!

Light it up honey! 

This is dedicated to those who looked back at life when shut down, laughed and said “try again bitch”.