Rummage

I am car less
So I took to walking under the rain
passing all those cars in traffic
I felt a sense of accomplishment

As I did, on the dog shit infested sidewalk
My thoughts came knocking
Knowing that I would shun them away
But having forgotten my headphones
I hesitatingly welcomed them
as grim or as random as they may seem
They entered, first step forward
“the nerve on these rascals”

As I carried my legs
along the pavement
first, as silly as it sounded,
I started scanning the pattern below my feet
and made sure that all fit perfectly
geometrically

Then someone passed me
That cologne, met my thoughts
and they invited it for a drink
over that drink, my thoughts asked it
“hmm, nice scent, did you get it
is it YOUR scent?, what other scent friends
do you hang out with? Did his girlfriend force
this cologne on him?”
These thoughts had no mercy,
they questioned that cologne
like no tomorrow

All this in my head,
in a split of second
all in silence

Walking through,
I spotted an old man
carrying a plastic bag
with parsley and oranges
coloring that cheap transparent bag

Again my thoughts clung to his image
They too invited it for a drink
“What’s for dinner? Where’s the wife or you live alone?
Why are you walking late, under the rain? Oh you’re wearing converse?”
Poor idea, sat there on that round table in my brain,
again quiet

Then I passed him and my thoughts let go of his idea
Step by step, ideas roamed around in my head
like crazy alcoholics seeking the next idea
to binge on it, let loose

Oh foreigners!
Here we go again,
Those crazy thoughts
Seduced their idea to share that table in my head
“Why are you here? Do you even like it here? Maybe
cause your presence is temporary you enjoy
this country’s corruption? But seriously
Why here?”

Silence, I can only feel
the rummage, but to the world outside
I am just a car-less person
walking under the rain

I got closer to home,
these faces walking past me
prompted my thoughts’ invitation to them
Oh the questions, they asked
Oh the curiosity it spurred
I’ve seen them before,
bumped into them,
I know them,
but I don’t
This instant identity click
is street language
I am sure you know
what I mean,
Sometimes this click
prompts an involuntary smile
because “yea I’ve seen you every morning
but I know nothing about you, but
know you”

What if I truly articulated these questions to strangers?
Imagine the stories i’d weave

I got to my apartment
and for some odd reason
once I found myself
in my familiar zone
these thoughts got too drunk
and crashed
into
routine
mode

Have you met my thoughts?

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VS.

You wake up
You know your routine by heart
Your body carries you mindlessly
into your outfit
Eyes still fighting the urge to widen

Your legs with great effort walk
to the kitchen to get your dose of caffeine ready
You sigh, it’s early alright
the weather is almost dreary

You still look at your empty bed
messy sheets, trace yester-nights movements
with that steaming coffee in hand
and your mind torn between
“should I?” vs. ” I MUST not”

You take your crumpled pack of cigarettes
You open the shutters,
The sun rays laser their way through
teasing your eyes with daylight
“You must wake up” vs. “let me hug my pillow tighter”

You sit on that balcony of yours
Overlooking the cookie-cutter buildings
The illusion of a view, for some reason
rests your eyes, you’re still home.

You look to your side, the other chair sits there
with droplets of rain slipping slowly,
It’s vacant vs. its antonym
You take a cautious sip of coffee silently” vs. asking “how’d you sleep?”

You light that cigarette to compliment your morning
You embrace that toxic smell, you see
the smoke dance, your eyes trace its motion
You artistically observe the smoke
“You grin” vs. “I love sleeping in the rain… next to you”

You lost yourself for a second there
You frantically look at your phone
As much as you want to stay
and fence with your thoughts of
Alone-ness vs. Loneliness
You delight in the thought
that the latter is far fetched

You enjoy the thought
that your alone-ness
is actually a state of mind
where you go realize, weigh, and respect
your true self

You embrace your alone-ness
Fuck it, your falling in love with it
It’s seducing you on a daily basis,
it’s slowly feeding you self respect
and you are mind blown
from realizing your
self worth .. FUCK wow!

You run into that social world
With an aura of glowing confidence
You must make money,
Rent is due!

Realizing your true self worth and beauty!

Realizing your true self worth and beauty!