Selfless

The pieces of your life
always impact you personally
You tend to forget the major
pillars that pose
as your sturdy base

You evolve your problems
your happiness
your chaos
your heartbreaks
your love highs, your mood
around the person that you are
selfishly

I suggest, you take a step back
ponder at what you are
You are a compilation of identities
that surface depending on
the mood and the situation you are in
it is a cycle that goes infinite
rounds, over and over

The “you” with friends
differs greatly from the “you” at work
from the the “you” with family
and of course the “you” in solitary state

Let your thoughts wander
You realize that you have been there
and done that
but reflect on your within

Go home, from time to time
and be surrounded by the 2 crucial
patient souls that accept you
with your fuck-ups and
endure your tantrums with a smile

You host a smile that belonged to her first
and patience that he possessed
a combination of their wit
and a last name that will forever
accompany you, worldwide!
You sound like her, and you reason like him
You walk with her grace and have a strong
presence like him

You carry his music taste and articulate eloquence
You share her love and pleasant care

You pride at the rewarding feeling
of the struggle you passed through
to accomplish the “self” you always
strived for

You pat yourself on the back
selfishly
Don’t!

One thought to marinate
when you’re in bed
being the “you” that you chose to be
at the moment
in time

Reflect on those times
that you went back home
regardless of the shadowy past
the rambling mess you left behind
On those times, that you never bothered
to call and ask about them..

You walk in,
it’s home, you sense it
that power that they created
in those walls,
is all for you

love them, tame the inner you
that tends to find comfort
in unleashing that wrath
towards them
and respect
the fact
that they still and will
always call you
daughter
Unconditionally

It’s a power that
the Gods possess
and have passed it
on to them

Sit and Think

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Journey W1F

We’re the clay matter
of the earth
Descending from the simple
sinful fact of the beginning

Our trait is that of
a malleable state
Changeable upon the infliction
of certain situations

We exist, we love and we hate
We get angry, we get happy
We get stronger and we get weary
We fall and then we rise up again
It’s a surreal magical power that
we harness within
in that rib-cage of ours
that power house, always pumping
life through our veins
regardless of the “near death” thoughts
that roam around in our minds
like Nazgûls 

Yet, we still breathe
we still argue, we still meet
we still write, drink, smoke
eat, fornicate, as our conditioned
state of mind always pushes us forward

Have you ever re-winded and marveled
at those moments, that didn’t matter
back then?

In our daily lives, love lives, work lives
we have bumped into someone of no significance
at that point in time
we were in love with someone else
our hearts were blinded by the shielded
true layers of the latter

Did you ever think of the “what if”
Those 2 words that ignite a universe of thinking
a plethora of burning energy
and a lifetime of .. time?

Your “what if” is somehow dubious
Yet don’t tell me that you never
fall into that deep dark hole
of digging it up from time to time
and creating your own world with
a true “what if”
Generating and day dreaming of
the “what could’s” and “maybe’s”

As you delve into your trip
You dance among the mental highs of its goodness
You smile at the euphoric state that you’re experiencing
You are enjoying a perfect trip
of colorful illusions
sprinkled in your “WHAT IF” daydream

Then the phone rings
You awake, saddened at the exit
that you have abruptly taken from your
journey
let’s call it “Journey W1F”
Where for a minute or two
You lost yourselves
Realizing that you’re here
and you’re W1F isn’t, gladly for some contradicting reason

You smile,
for your expectations of this
will always be enhanced
never tarnished

Since your W1F my dears
will always be
a
WHAT
IF!

LOST MYSELF

Junkie

We are humans
always in need
always lacking something
never complete

Our bodies yearn
for a touch, not any sensation
but that which poisons your skin
with tingles of feelings

That warm tracing sense
barely touching your dermis
skin on skin, yet so full
of emotion

Our minds, always soaking
the knowledge around us
always gawking at any new
opportunity to learn, to research
to dissect, to inspect, to
satiate your ever lasting curiosity

Here comes the one
whose power is so strong
it voodoo’s you into insanity
…the heart
whose mind is one of its own
The heart has the power to hypnotize
the mind, paralyze logic and overcome
rationale

The heart yearns for love
love of any and love for any

It tricks the body
by injecting it with butterflies
caged in the stomach
A pasted smile, giggles
a natural high, lack of appetite
ease and a sense of selflessness
a feeling of warmth and a perception
of world domination
Symptoms of which any drug can induce
in gleeful circumstances

Why is the heart so easily
seduced by only drug that quenches
its thirst for life, or is it?

Silly heart of ours, why so weak
in the face of this amorous potion?
Does it seduce you with its nakedness
and transparency?
Do you send messages to the body tricking it,
igniting its craving for sensual touches?
Do you send electric shocks to the brain
demanding it to shut down, all its sense
of purpose?

Oh dear heart of ours
Are you a junkie dependent
on the love drug, the love bug?
Do you seek its high purposefully
physically and mentally?
Do you enjoy finding yourself
between the sweaty shuffled sheets?

We have analyzed you and studied your steps
You are spontaneous, like any addict
you enjoy the here and now,
You want to be naked, you enjoy it
Yet, when you come crashing from that
love drug
it is the body that suffers
and the mind that wakes up
leaving us unprepared
for the unpremeditated
love – hate
feeling

Oh silly heart of ours
Do you enjoy every skipped beat?
We are aware that your addiction
is what keeps us
humans yearning, longing
for a taste of
that insatiable
uncontrolable
love drug

The anatomy of a love junkie

The anatomy of a love junkie

Drown

It’s a feeling
I can tell you that
but to pin it down
that’s the real puzzlement
it’s a fact

I am happy
when I am present
but I am not
It is a paradox of feelings…
that relieved sensation after vomiting

It hurts, not really
I married apathy, yet
to each feeling, a trigger
I married apathy who had an affair with envy
But I am not envious,
it is just this feeling, that is inexplicable

I paste a smile on my face
I am genuine, or at least trying to be
But no one gets fooled,
The fake-ness of it all
Escapes through my eyes

I am not jealous, for
there is nothing to be jealous of
I love it, I love that it’s happening
but I detest its existence now
I abhor the happiness that’s surrounding me
But I am in love with the joy that its amplifying

I am helpful, I am swallowing this lump
in my throat, that harnesses that rage
wait, it’s not rage, it’s not that at all
nor is it bitterness,
nor is it discontent
I am just an outsider of this situation
the war going on inside of me
is about me, for me and by me

I am grasping for breath
I am counting, before speaking
to ease the screams inside
the ones that pierce your ears
the ones that haunt you at night

I am grasping for air
I am hyperventilating,
What is this feeling?
I cannot coin the term
It is not feeling apathetic,
for I do feel something,
but not towards anyone, or anything
What I am feeling is introverted
Understood by me
and for me

I am drowning
in my own raging sea of emotions
Ones so wild, that harnessing them
in a straight jacket and throwing
them in the sea,
will actually calm
the internal
turmoil

drowning

Sway

(While you read, play this)

It echoed in my ears
that tune, that lovable marriage
between instruments
It slowly took a hold of my thoughts

That tune approached my naive
ideas, with confidence
not giving any chances of rejection
my ideas, love-struck
weightlessly, fell into its arms

The music, so magical
carried them, with passion
it swayed them, it twirled them
yet with fixated eyes
it kept the contact, it kept
the instant love, flaming

With every drum beat
that strong tune, would stomp
and my ideas skip a beat
Yes, they were in love with
that music, that strong powerful
accumulation of sound

Suddenly, an abrupt halt  (1:04)
caused my ideas to wonder
where has that music gone,
those who would carry them
to a surreal place, of fantasy
that music that would
guide their every step

Then it resumed, that beautiful figure (1:04)
haloed by those vibrating sounds
That music, with every climaxed beat
got closer, my neurons were firing
at the mere sight of it.

Full embrace, music again took the lead
my thoughts willingly submissive
shadowed every move,
They swayed through all corners of my mind
saluting dormant ideas, kissing nostalgic thoughts
and awakening new born ones

They, entwined,
danced,
My thoughts had a heart
My thoughts dove deeply
in love with the dance
that this music
guided!

Sway

Freedom

If I had the freedom
to abdicate to my
wildest thoughts

I would be on a plane
heading to a destination
that would arouse
my stagnant senses

Those that have been shot down
by the self inflicted social routine,
slowly reaping what is left
of what makes me human

If I had the freedom
I would be a bird
with wings spread
flying and looking down,
but never being a part of
the dirt, the chaos, the murder
the beauty, the innocence

If I had the freedom
I would carelessly voice “I love you’s”
to everyone who needs it
I would hand it out like free candy

To those whose hearts
that need mending
I will be their glue

To those whose hearts that are broken
I will give them a new ones
To those whose hopes have been crushed
I will hand them jars upon jars of bubble-wrapped aspirations

If I had the freedom
I would share stories with strangers
and listen to theirs and instantly
feel richer

If I had the freedom
I would spend my days
with my fingers dancing out
words on that blank slate
compiling pages and pages
of material to read and be read

If I had the freedom
I would make peace with all those
whose pride has eaten them alive
whose past has amplified hate into their future
and mine

If I had the freedom
I would remove myself from the digital world
that has eaten my time and wasted my eye sight

If I had the freedom
I would land my lips on yours
and kiss you, because you are beautiful

If I had the freedom…
I would embrace you
and tell you everything will be O.K

But
I don’t
and
I won’t

Held Back

DOZED

He brushed her spine
with the sharp blade of his knife
tingling her spine
awakening her goosebumps

That feeling, that simple
barely touching sense
has the power to ignite
and ripple waves of “Ahh’s”
across her body

Security, it engulfed her
it complimented the feeling of trust
She had, in her heart for him
Her thoughts wandered
away from the body that harnessed them
away from the scuffled sheets
that colored her bed

They flew from her dusty window sills
They soared across the dirty building rooftops
They danced with the October breezes
in full glee of being free

They flew, across the great blue
They had so much energy, they could
if they wanted reach the moon

They flew, with the birds,
They traveled to discover
the colors of a different city

They flew, far and beyond
to get high on the scents
of an exotic land

They flew without looking back
to feel the beauty of the world’s
citizens

They flew away from the dimmed lit room
they flew to find pulchritude
and fall in love

They flew, wildly
to dance with the night stars
to the music of tribe

They flew, weightlessly and carelessly
to taste the most toxic of drinks
to indulge in the trips that followed

All of a sudden,
Gravity felt stronger
The weightlessness of these thoughts
were pulled by some magnetic force
all the way back
to that dusty window sill

She awoke from her “doze”
Looked at the lover by her side
no remorse, no heartbeat

She got up, got dressed
lit her cigarette
and left
she had her thoughts’ wanderings
to accomplish.

thoughts

OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE

Feeding the “Itch” of a Writer!

Fingers dancing beautifully
on the keyboard,
tap dancing carefully on each key
every calculated step
generates beautiful words
virtually inked on that blank slate
It’s a good day to write

It’s a gorgeous Saturday morning,
that hungover feeling, the smell of yester-night’s drinks
they still linger, you are smiling

It’s damp outside, the rain teased us
with sessions of heavy doses and then disappearing
You play those bluegrass songs,
It’s a weird feeling, but nonetheless a high

You want to have that cigarette with your morning coffee
but the pack you smoked yesterday
claws down your throat

and still you smile,
what a puzzlement that brain of ours is
you think it conspires with the heart?
you think it fucks around with you,
and then giggles tremendously with the heart?

You think sometimes it just takes a day off
leaves all to the heart?
The simple yet most complex formula
of MIND over BODY
will forever torment us
silly souls,
feeding on romance, lusting for adventure
injecting chaos, snorting the nightlife
Smoking the idiots, inhaling lovers
Exhaling pain,
dancing to music, tasting life’s sinful pleasures
falling in fuck-ups, getting our selves up
working to the bone,  living immortally
Kissing the world, hoping for everything

There was never a day that wasn’t a cocktail
of disappointments laced with uppers
diluted with experience with after effects of “lessons learned”
but when the sun sets and I see the dark veil cover the sky
I still back, I light that damn cigarette
I look at the traffic below,
the frustrated society, honking and yelling at each other

I take a drag, I let out a smiling sigh
I live in a country running on crack, everyone is edgy
but hey, what better could a writer wish for
if every day is an entry, fed to me by
the junkies of this beautifully chaotic
country!

writer