Times like these

Smoking

Voodoo

From now on,
I took a vow
To look beyond
the transparent veil of bullshit
you so proudly wear

From now on,
I designed my feelings
to reflect on me,
yes, selfish indeed

From now on,
Your confident facade
Will not work its magic on me
I have talked to the voodoo
witch down the street
to concoct a potion for me
that will actually block
the crap you pull

She looked at my palm
As she was mixing her viscous potion
She said
“my child, all you have to do, is to let
her out, she is in there somewhere
and dammit it’s about time”

From now on,
I will not reflect on the past
The falling, the crying
the hurting
I will talk to them in alliance
I will make peace with them
and I will thank them for beating me up
so much, that even my heart grew
a six pack!

From now on, I will put the songs I want
I will walk and skip to the beat of every tune

From now on, I will not
give a fuck, if you’re hurt
or annoyed

From now on, I will go
wherever, regardless of your opinion
I will be messy and I will be classy
I will be loud and obnoxious, I will bite my nails
I will be quiet and doze off
I will replay The Darjeeling limited endlessly
and then when endlessly finishes I’ll watch
the Royal Tenebaums
over and over
I will play punk music and head bang
and I will imitate Dylan
I will sing to crappy pop songs
I will kiss that stupid good looking boy
I will walk and let my perfume seduce
I will wake up in an empty bed
hungover and happy
I have the whole space to myself

I will put flowers in my hair
and I will wear my hat indoors
because I feel like it
I will go for walks to nowhere
and I will dangle my legs
out of the window on road trips

I will soak in the world
and sometimes I’ll shut it out
I will wear my favorite shirt everyday
I will buy a jacket from the men’s section
I will doodle on your car
and I will always carry my doodle pad
no matter how geeky it is
I will have my crumpled pack of cigarettes
and my cheesy pink lighter
I will drink till dawn
and I will love my heart
because at the end of the day
it needs it the most

I will wear my my chuck taylors to a meeting
and I will wear my Stiletto’s at home
I will greet the morning sun
on my grungy porch
naked
letting the sun feast its eyes on my porcelain body
I will take pictures of random things
I will end up watching sunrise on a beach somewhere
enjoying my alcohol settling uncomfortably
in my stomach from the night before
I will laugh out loud, in an unclassy manner
I will put my feet on the table while I read
my erotic novels alongside some psychology!
I will talk about my family and how crazy they are
I will laugh at my own clumsiness
I will sing in the shower and I will cry
when I fucking feel like it
I will walk at night and enjoy
it’s naughtiness

I will let the dishes pile and I will clean like no tomorrow
I will gulp water on that hungover morning from the bottle
I will play with my food and I will get drunk
I will smoke in my room and I will play the BEATLES!
I will enjoy my tom boy-ish appearance
and I will attempt to apply that horrible thing
they call make-up

I will look pretty and I will look untidy

I will walk with my head up high,
I will stomp on the ground like it’s my bitch
I will look you straight in the eye
and then just keep walking
and you know what the best part is

to do all the above
I realized that
I don’t even
have to try

VS.

You wake up
You know your routine by heart
Your body carries you mindlessly
into your outfit
Eyes still fighting the urge to widen

Your legs with great effort walk
to the kitchen to get your dose of caffeine ready
You sigh, it’s early alright
the weather is almost dreary

You still look at your empty bed
messy sheets, trace yester-nights movements
with that steaming coffee in hand
and your mind torn between
“should I?” vs. ” I MUST not”

You take your crumpled pack of cigarettes
You open the shutters,
The sun rays laser their way through
teasing your eyes with daylight
“You must wake up” vs. “let me hug my pillow tighter”

You sit on that balcony of yours
Overlooking the cookie-cutter buildings
The illusion of a view, for some reason
rests your eyes, you’re still home.

You look to your side, the other chair sits there
with droplets of rain slipping slowly,
It’s vacant vs. its antonym
“You take a cautious sip of coffee silently” vs. asking “how’d you sleep?”

You light that cigarette to compliment your morning
You embrace that toxic smell, you see
the smoke dance, your eyes trace its motion
You artistically observe the smoke
“You grin” vs. “I love sleeping in the rain… next to you”

You lost yourself for a second there
You frantically look at your phone
As much as you want to stay
and fence with your thoughts of
Alone-ness vs. Loneliness
You delight in the thought
that the latter is far fetched

You enjoy the thought
that your alone-ness
is actually a state of mind
where you go realize, weigh, and respect
your true self

You embrace your alone-ness
Fuck it, your falling in love with it
It’s seducing you on a daily basis,
it’s slowly feeding you self respect
and you are mind blown
from realizing your
self worth .. FUCK wow!

You run into that social world
With an aura of glowing confidence
You must make money,
Rent is due!

Realizing your true self worth and beauty!

A Dose of “Youth Fillers” with an Injection of “A Messed up Reality”

We’re young and restless
Souls drugged with lust for life and especially the night
You sit in your corporate identity dreading the sounds of the keyboards echoing
and growing as time slowly tics its way through the day

You are productive, well at least you’re trying
You want to make something of yourself! – good job fooling yourself
We all know it, your corporate identity is just another stamp
licked and put on you by society, just for the sake of monetary survival.

Don’t get me wrong we need money, but the fact that we inhibit a robotic mood from 9am to 6pm is still there

We’re young and restless
We wait for the night, the darkness that slowly strips you from that dull tie and suit form
The night that releases your inner energy with just one song, one plan, one gathering
Makeup and dresses
Cars and cigars
Can you smell that aroma?
that wild perfumed smell, that vodka in your drink and of course cigarettes?
Yes, it’s calling my spirit, it’s seducing my liver and my heart
…well my heart is bewitched by the charms of the night and all its glory

Can you hear the laughter?
Can you feel the carelessness?
The country is tip toeing on dormant mines
The country is spiraling down
Yet, we the restless youth, survive,
We embrace our true nature, loud and beautiful, sexy and freaking HOT!
We carry ourselves with such confidence and grace, we feel gorgeous
The indescribable tension between us and the night grows, you feel the butterflies
We’re in love with the music, the people- the beautiful people, we’re in love with the strangers, that random drink
We’re in love with the strong stench on the streets, loud cars and obnoxious lovers
We’re in love

We embrace the night, we make love to it, then leave at dusk when
the morning shines through, piercing our eyes with its innocent rays,
Pull your pants up, tie that knot, ready yourself

We wake up, again, in a country burning down,
We wake up, ROBOT MODE ON
Corporate identity activated, dormant souls in check

A dose of youth fillers with an injection of messed up reality!