Canvas

I am not sure
how to jot down
the surrounding
ideas that swim in my brain

they are not ideas per say
they seem to have a direct link
to my heart

I am truly happy
am I?
the conflict
I am alive, more alive
that I have ever been

I am in love
not with anyone, I am in love
not with anything
but this natural high has taken
me places and brightened
my dull confidence

Everyone knows after a high
comes the low, I am in limbo
I am stuck on a blank slate
with no plans ahead
nor any behind me, I made sure
I threw acid on them and burned them to ashes
those past mistakes, oh silly mistakes

I am on a tabula rasa pinned
by the beating heart and keeps me going
Yet, those beats always play solo
sometimes they long for the other
to comply with every thump
sometimes it beats so well, it enjoys
its aloneness

That slate, my canvas
what should I do with you?
Should I go wild and slap colored paint streaks on you?
Should I meticulously create my future?
Should I mix-n-match a messy creation and
then watch it burn?
Is this liberating or just confusing?

I am caught between
the two extremes of the scale
I am alone and I embrace it
I am alone and I dissecting every
layer that has covered me and hid me away
from my true being

Thick impermeable layers that I
inflicted on myself to please others
Give me the damn scalpel, I feel my inner bright rays
aching to shine, to expose themselves
As I make an incision, I felt lighter
I felt better, those dark layers
fell one by one, day by day
I am naked, I am comfortable
in my own skin
I am naked
and my heart
beats by itself
for
itself

NUDE

NUDE

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Pulchritude

Standing alone
facing a raging storm
with tornadoes of hate
sweeping everything
that lit with hope

Standing alone
Your body flamed with courage
even when it rained insults
Your flame still burned with more passion
than ever

Standing alone, scanning the surroundings
all those supportive bodies that were once there
were stripped to their true ignorant nature
by the winds of truth

Standing alone, realizing
that not all were support
but they were just mere puppets
in a show

Now that the curtains are down
and the winds blew away that facade
that harnessed a skeleton of lies
Your world was better without them

Standing alone, knowing yourself
was like walking through a field of roses
The thorns made it a rough journey
but you were seduced by the beauty of those roses
that hover on top of all that thorny evil

Standing alone, in the middle of that rose field
You notice, the roses slowly tilt towards you
You realize, your aura
It’s lighting again, the flame of courage has helped
The thorny path merely shielded you
strengthened you

The roses slowly, embrace you
as they tighten, you feel that piercing
thorny sensation,
You are being injected
by life’s beauty, nothing is that easy

As they tighten their clasp
You close your eyes, hoping for your survival instincts
to kick in
You close your eyes, hoping for the pain to go away

Wait… what’s happening
the pain is subsiding, yet you can still smell
the beautiful rosey scent

You opened your eyes, hesitating
scared, of witnessing something
against your prediction

You noticed that you too
have evolved into a rose
emerging from thorny roots
seeking great heights

A beauty among beauties
Portraying such peaceful pulchritude
Tempting without altering them
about the thorns that might inflict pain

For you have earned that right
of becoming so beautiful
from all that pain

rose and you