Sinful

They told me,
that over expressing myself
can back fire on me

But how can one, control
those emotions, that gasp
for the freshness of the air
around them, once you blurt them?

How can one harness,
these boiling feelings
that yearn to be shared?

How can you sit there,
having these ideas
dressed up as feelings
swim between your fiery neurons?

How can the sharing of something
so deep and intimate
backfire?

I wondered…

They told me
to put reigns on my feelings
They told to halt them whenever
they tended to roam uncontrollably

But how can something so wild
so human and so true
be tamed?

How can something so personal
and so magical be selfishly kept to me?
How can you control yourself
from allowing some feelings
to be directed to him and her
and not him nor her?

I pondered

I tested myself, I decided
to block these emotions
to politely ask my heart
to feel when needed

I failed miserably

for I am a definition of how I feel
a clear meaning of how
I fall for a stupid smile
a sly lie, an embellished compliment,
a beautiful song, a tasty morning cigarette

then I paused and thought to myself

Why should I stop the only catalyst
that drives to me embark on careless
reckless adventures?

Why should I stop feeling, when
everything else is feeling-less?

Why should I control the magic
that you and you and you
relate to

Then I could feel that THUD again
and comprehended the fact
that feeling, is the only fascination
that can be define as a curse and a blessing!

So go ahead, share a cigarette
with a friend and be eloquent
about those feelings
being beautifully
sinful

Beautiful emotions

THAT one song!

Weekday morning
settling yourself into that position
Fixing your posture
Cracking your fingers

You look at blinking cursor
It’s stagnant, awaiting your command
you’re the god, behind it’s actions

You take a deep breath
WAIT
a message, a lovely message
from a dear old friend

It embraces your casual morning
with a blanket of warmth
accompanied with a smile

A song
An upgrade to the normal
“Hello, how are you!”

It was THAT song
the one that took you back to your teen age years
the one that smothers you in the innocence of young love
the one injecting your adulthood with doses of sweet tastes of nostalgia
the one that orchestrates your heart beats
the one that differentiates each heart beat from the next
the one whose powers engulf your soul,
the one whose meaning is only cherished between the person and one he sent it to

You swing back and forth
between the now and then

You are numb, you are in a mental limbo
Your mental capacity is lurking in the past,
while your body is still present in that office chair
Your body so restless so numb
You willingly accept the musical overdose
You repeat the song, every time the lyrics seems louder
You repeat the song again, for the melodies flow through your veins
like the simple drug,
Fast and with instant gratification
Your neurons attack that melody
Hold on it, feed on the memory that it harvests
Your neurons wake up,
after snorting the beauty of the melody
Your neurons’ addiction has revived

You repeat the song,
You welcome the musical overdose
You welcome the mental state of “omg”
and come to think of it
it was just THAT one song
on a weekday morning
in a message
from an old
friend!

Mental Music

Modern Life Appreciation

I woke up, I checked the screen
Nothing..
I paused, I thought and then cringed at the redundant feeling
felt before, uncomfortable but it’s there

That uneasy feeling, that questionable thought
that “out of self wondering” feeling
WHY?

I stepped out of my “perfect world” bubble
and stepped into a more real one.
The one whose happy endings are illusions
The one whose thoughts marinate in rationale rather than magic
The one whose final goals are attained by mature actions
rather than “fairy tale” twists

Wonder no more, state the facts,
Pencil them down, scratch those lurking “maybe’s”
jot down the harsh reality.
You always thought, your actions will get you there,
Well, honey, from now on, get your act together
Act for you, stand up for you,
Entwine your happiness with everything that YOU DO
Screen is empty, fuck it,
Go write, read, sing, drive
Your conditional elation SHOULD be tied with every step YOU TAKE

“We know how you feel”

No one will understand the emotions that boil under your surface
The ones that burn every cell inside, the ones that toy with your neurons
Their “plastic” response above is a socially accepted statement
followed by a pat on the back
Take it but don’t you dare explain yourself,
You don’t have to!
YOU are your only friend, whose secrets you won’t uncover
Stop, tying your satisfaction with other’s approval
STOP waiting for appreciation, stop waiting for society to LIKE
Be whatever you want to be, whatever you were born to be

You look at your screen,

WAIT….. WHAT?
There is so much LIFE out there, so much LIFE in you!
Just like a woman with a head of roses!

YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR SCREEN!

 

Woman with a head of roses – Dali